Learnin' the Blues

Dear Darren's Landlord,

2006-03-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

May I just start by expressing my contempt for you. Yeah, this is a great apartment, but you suck in so many ways it almost pisses you off to think how great a place this could be with your help. When Darren moved in here, we had to fix the half-assed repairs you made. Like that poorly constructed "DIY" unsupported shelf that fell out of the wall. Or figuring out how to stop the water heater from flooding. Or every drain in the house doing the exact opposite of what you want it to do. But let's concentrate on the oven door assaulting me, since that just happened and sent me over the edge. I've been nice, and cooked with that bloody thing, regardless of how hard it is to light the burners. Regardless of how long the oven takes to bake since the door won't close. Or lifting a heavy pan out of there with one hand while trying to hold the oven door so it won't fall off with my other hand. You keep saying you're going to fix it. Well, here's my idea: go out and get me a top of the line oven by next week or the next time that door injures me I'm ripping it off and beating you with it until you bleed money to purchase a new oven with. Cheers!

~Cate~

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T00:36:00.000-05:00

May you all find a Snugglemonster as fluffy and disgustingly cute as mine...and good luck picking up the chicks, too.

Here are a few helpful tips for you guys out there:

Valentine's Day

2006-02-06T12:21:00.000-05:00

This atrocity is what the Smithsonian Store suggests as a good Valentine's Day gift. Let me simply state that if this is what I recieve as a gift, I will have wished the usual routine for myself in its stead: not getting a gift or call and spending the evening alone with a movie. Luckily, with my boyfriend, I need not worry about him giving me such a hideous prize. Luckily, for him, he would laugh at this thing and take his leave (ahem) on it and doesn't have to worry about me smashing it and stabbing him with the remaining shards.
Bitter about V-day? Nah. I'll gladly accept nice lingerie anyday. Even from people who will never see me in it, because I'm that greedy about lingerie. It's just that this isn't really my holiday. I've seen way too many people destroy their self-esteems year after year because people who have dates think it's the greatest day for everyone, inadvertantly putting singles down even further than they knocked themselves.
In closing, I'm planning on a particularly nice Valentine's Day this year. I have a great man who was right on the mark with the gifts. But to the rest of you, if I hear once from ANY of my friends that anyone's heart was trampled, I vow to seek you out and hunt you down like Dick Cheney on quail hunters.

The Cure For The Common Cold...

2006-01-09T22:52:00.000-05:00

I, Cate the Great, have found the cure to the common cold. Is it a new rapid weight loss pill that's available for just fifteen installments of just $19.99? No. And it doesn't cure the common cold, it just helps your body stop coughing almost instantly. What is it? I'm not going to share it with you so you can beat me to the money. Just kidding. Need to stop coughing fast? Try breaking or cracking a rib. I guarantee your body will help you get your coughing under control asap. Ow! Too much pain for you? Suck it up, because if I have to live with it then you do too...or at least listen to me whine about how much it now hurts to cough. Oh, did I forget to mention how I injured my iron rib cage? I coughed. A. Lot.

This was my favorite result from the image search today. It's the perfect stocking stuffer for me from anyone that knows me.

Bush And Alito

2006-01-09T22:11:00.000-05:00

Above is a photo of Bush and Alito today.
Below is them at an earlier date.

"Caring, sharing...Every little thing that we are wearing..."
I just found it cute that they shared wardrobe items more than once. Men, if you're ever going to the White House, bring along a few extra ties so you don't look like you planned.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

2005-12-25T21:36:00.000-05:00

Warmest holiday wishes to all for some full-contact games with the family. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah today!

Best Holiday Quote Ever:

2005-12-20T23:48:00.000-05:00

"Merry freakin nuthin, this sucks!"
~Cate's boss of bosses: the store manager, Xmas '04~

Umm...Ok.

2005-12-20T18:18:00.000-05:00

My only question is, HOW do you let a tumor in your head grow to 16lbs?!

I understand that no one can help landing a tumor from fate (lung tumors from smoking aside), but how could you let your child's body get so deformed by a tumor? There had to be some form of intervention they could have tried before it got to be 16 bloody pounds...

Weird.

Top Ten Ways To Tell I'm Not From Vegas:

2005-12-18T16:24:00.000-05:00

1. I eat more than just celery.
2. I don't wear polar gear in 50* weather.
3. Swimming in the heated pool when it's 65* seems natural to me.
4. No fake talon-like nails.
5. My shoes aren't pointy-toed or stilettos.
6. I have natural boobs bigger than a AAA cup.
7. I expect normal public transportation or sidewalks in places other than in front of hotels.
8. Smoking cigarettes isn't my profession.
9. Middle class, to me, means somewhere in between ghetto thugs and paying $200 for a pair of shoes.
10.I'm not a "natural blonde" with an ass-load of rainbow highlights.

"You're SO money, baby!"

2005-12-12T18:45:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Las Vegas, city of the future. I mean, past. Wait, it depends on what hotel you're in. I'm having a blast, hands down. But I know my reader enjoys my sarcasm, so I'll throw a lot of that your way if I keep posting this week. But my disclaimer is that I'm having a great time and am not actually complaining about this trip. I'm merely pointing out the funny things.

So our first day was great! We got in early, didn't get lost getting to the hotel (but frankly, if you get lost from Vegas' airport to the strip after they give you billboard directions in the parking lot and get lost on three turns you're a dumbass), and I won about $100. I even saw 2 real live whores for the first time!

We got great tickets to Penn & Teller and had a blast with them. They take the time to do meet & greet with the crowd in the lobby after the shows, which is rare and kind. They give a quick chit chat and sign anything in your hands. Thanks guys!

I'm hitting the hot tubs right now, I'll post again soon!

~Vegas Cate~

Oh baby, oh baby.

2005-12-01T18:02:00.000-05:00

If THAT doesn't invite a girl in, I don't know what will.

A Note From Cate

2005-12-01T16:07:00.000-05:00

Ok. I enjoy the whole sunny and 65-70* thing. But it's DeFUCKINGcember!!! Where's my damn snow?!

I also wanted to add that one reason I haven't posted lately. Even though I've been online here and there, I've been distracted with a new addiction. Be warned, it's highly addictive and you will go through withdrawl.

~Cate~

Dear Fate,

2005-12-01T15:54:00.000-05:00

Stop fucking with my friend. If there is reincarnation, we don't remember our actions from a previous life so there's no point in punishing us for them. From her best friend, with all due respect, fuck off and let her have some fun for once.

Fuck you very much. Luck is better than fate :P

Christmas Sing-Along #1

2005-12-01T14:45:00.000-05:00

Everyone, sing along! To the tune of "White Christmas:"

I'm dreaming of a paid vacation,
Just like the ones I've never known.
Where the beaches glisten, and men all whistle
At the sight, of my skin so white like snoooooow.

I'm dreaming of a paid, vacation,
With every postcard I recieve.
May you catch some rays, get laid,
And may all your vacations be paid.

Thank you.

House

2005-11-15T13:02:00.000-05:00

While catching up on prime time tv, I came to a realization. I would be in a very good part of heaven if Ron Livingston wound up on top of me...even if he did puke, pass out, and send us down a few steps first. He'd still be on top of me.

Restaurant Design

2005-11-14T22:26:00.000-05:00

The past few times we've been out to eat, I've meant to mention my plans for restaurant design. My place will defintely be designed for fun, including (but not limited to) video games that don't cost $10.00, a grown-up ball pit and moonwalk, along with lots of booze and maybe go-go chicks or something. But if I should decide to let children into the dining wing, there will be a soundproof room for families. If you don't like it, don't bring them. There's no reason the rest of my customers should pay good money for a fun time and instead recieve a royal headache from your screaming brats. If my brother and I had acted they way children do now, we'd have been locked in the basement until we were submissive enough to be taken to Showbiz Pizza (pre-chuck e. cheese era) and not even ask to use the free token we got at the door. I just think adults should have as much fun as kids and not have to deal with rude children. I'm not cynical enough (yet) to realize there are good children out there and I still love to play with kids. But for some reason, every place that costs me money only allows screaming, tantrum-throwing, or attitude-ridden children, tweens, and teens in. That is all.

The Man I Like to Call Boyfriend...

2005-11-07T13:47:00.000-05:00

We went out to the new Mexican restaurant the other night. After I got nagged at for a FREAKING hour by his family about his diet. This is the wonderful man I love:

We got stuck in the bloody kids' room, surrounded by screaming brats. There were two behind Darren that were particularly bad. When they FINALLY decided to take the urchins home, they wound up standing at our table, unsupervised. They were right in Darren's face mooching like little animals, but this is where it gets good. I'm nice and wave, my boyfriend just keeps staring forward and trying to ignore them. They're dying for him to look at them and offer his food. What does he do? Takes the biggest chomp out of his taco of the whole evening and they turn back to mom and start crying "I'm huuuungryyyy!" This is the man I like to call boyfriend.

The Wonderful Person You Know and Love

2005-11-05T00:32:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right, folks. I am the wonderful person you know and love as "Little Sweetie," "Bubbles," and "Sweet Tits." Oops. That last one's not open to the public...
Here's a small quote from one of my conversations tonight:

"personally i'd do a snoopy dance if *name omitted to protect me from devil-worshippers* died in a slow-killing fire before the fiery pits of hell open their jaws to swallow her whole for eternal damnation"

Quote shown in Angel of Mercy Blue.

This is the famous "cock-juggling thunder cunt" scene from "Blade: Trinity." I felt this was the closest hate I could relate to my situation. The vampire thing would be a more civilized form of being, however.

I Have A Fan!!!

2005-11-05T00:27:00.000-05:00

So my life has been heading in a better direction...finally. I've actually been working really hard and getting a good amount of hours. I apologize for neglecting the TWO (that's right, Darren. MY blog has TWOOOOO fans) fans that I have. My few days off have been spent sleeping, cleaning, and visiting my long-distance boyfriend. And at his house he forces me to addict myself to his dvr recordings. I know what primetime tv is for the first time since "Everybody Loves Raymond" was piloted. But, I made a promise to JP and Amy that I'd post on my blog again. JUST for them because they love me even more than Darren. Ok maybe not but it's fun to brag about having almost enough friends to count on one hand. It's going to be a bit random for a while but I'll make an effort to make you laugh. I've got a new Theology in the works that I think will be funny sometime soon. We'll see.

Love,
Cate

Well, shit.

2005-10-22T13:12:00.000-04:00

Why does Dunkin Donuts have to keep coming up with new things to make me want to be there? I can resist the temptations of fine pastries, gourmet foods, and delicacies at work, but i can't pass up a fucking doughnut or breakfast sandwich. Mmmm....baaaacon......

Japanese Beatles

2005-10-22T00:35:00.000-04:00

Once again, the Japanese choose to do the exact opposite of what is cool.

Thanks to Reuters for a laugh.

Pomp and Pompousness...

2005-09-12T12:38:00.000-04:00

Oh, the grandeur! Oh, the boredom. Today I've been watching the Judiciary committee run off at the mouth trying to influence Judge Roberts before he becomes a Supreme Court Justice. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, get off my page. You're making everyone stupider by your presence.

Basically, the committee members are babbling about what they want Roberts to do and what they disapprove of relating to past actions of the Supreme Court. It sucks big time. But it's an important moment in history, it's not everyday we get a new Justice.

There are some points of irony here. First, everyone is redundant by having the same opening regarding an appreciation of Pres. Bush (real or kissing ass) and mentioning Hurricane Katrina. I believe this is so due to the fact that they depend on the news to know what's going on in the world and Katrina news is the ONLY thing that's been on recently. Secondly, all the suits are trying to win minority support by mentioning how unequal the Constitution was when it was written, since it excluded women's rights, African-American slaves, as well as all the other people who were trampled on as if all this were still in motion today. You guys all have personal chefs and wear suits that cost more than some people make in a year. Shut the hell up about pretending to know what real life is like.

While all these men love the sound of their own voices, Arlen Specter seems to love his most of all. How this man has continued to have a career, I will NEVER understand. Anytime I mention this, people my age always ask, "Why?" Well I'll tell you. Before idiots threw their votes away to let him be a Senator, he worked for the Warren Commission. This genius came up with the Magic Bullet Theory to cover up the assassination of the President. That's right. He's an ass. He is not the douchebag, but the vinegar within. I'm surprised Ted Kennedy is being so supportive of the same ideals as this man. Oh wait, no I'm not! He's the political equivalent of Alexis Arquette, riding the coat tails of his relatives his entire life. I didn't even deem him worthy enough of Stephen Baldwin. At least he did one good movie.

Roberts has sat there nodding his head and smiling to appease the commit. If he can handle this many boobs in a room, he could even be President someday...I meeeean...he'll do fine in the Supreme Court. Hats off to you for not strangling anyone during this hearing. This is all a part of the American Process.

P.S. I don't actually know that much about Roberts, but the complements were based on his behavior today. I'm not sure where I stand on him becoming the next S.C.Justice without seriously delving into his resume. I just like to make fun of politicians I do know about.

R: I am amazed that neither of them have died yet, isnt Arlen like 80 or something?
catescarlett: so far they aren't battling eachother. not yet.
R: He fits his name last I saw LOL
catescarlett: arlen specter was born in 1930 or something
R: older than God LOL
catescarlett: kennedy is getting up there too, but i think he's a bit younger than specter
catescarlett: yes, i think he killed jesus
R: yeah, but the way he lives gotta be high mileage
catescarlett: what, nightly drinking binges don't prolong your life?
catescarlett: i'd think he'd be alcoholically preserved by now
catescarlett: he'll be a natural mummy when he dies
R: The drinking is to counteract whatever he is catching from the prostitutes LOL

Unions and Confederates...

2005-09-07T21:10:00.000-04:00

Today was the first early shift I've had in God knows how long. I was excited. It meant I'd be done early today! It began in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn't get to sleep and had yet another nice headache most of the night. Then I got ready for work and caught my feral cat peeing on my blanket AGAIN because appearantly her litter box needs changing. Geez. She used to just meow a lot. She also refuses to use the nice clean NEW one my boyfriend spent a fortune on so I didn't have to deal with kitty litter as much. It tends to aggrevate the asthma even with the mask. Luckily I caught it before it seeped into the actual bed. Needless to say, the bedroom door was closed in my absence.

I had a pretty good day at work, but my work is cut out for me. I'm being fueled by management to shape things up and get trained in almost every department. That's no prob, I'm actually excited about that. It's shaping up the people we pay to literally do nothing and probably get paid more than me. But my temporary overseer is more than ecstatic, and I look pretty darn professional and reeeeeeeeally good.

Then what? I sat in traffic until I got home. Big deal, I had music so I was fairly pleased. It was actually when I pulled up at home that was the problem.

You want it? You got it. I'm declaring totally legal war on my stupid neighbor. Today I got yelled at and trapped in my car by my pregnant-looking neighbor. Something tells me he's not, though.

What did I do, you ask? Oh, well I parked in his "wife's space" on the PUBLIC FUCKING STREET. Because his private driveway just isn't a suitable space to call his own. They own a trailer, a pick-up, and 2 cars. You want designated spaces? Talk to the borough. He yelled at me so rudely and made me move my car. That was after he told me he waited for me to come home and told me just because I can't park doesn't mean I can keep taking his wife's space. Bite me, asshole. I'd rather park in a spacious area than hit my nice neighbors' cars. "Be considerate." I am. But from now on, it won't be to you. YOU be considerate and go out and buy a shirt. PLEASE.

I do have some great Union neighbors too. I was told to expect to see my buddy's work van across the street this week. We don't have to kick anyone out, but if they secede we'll throw a party every anniversary. The Confederates will have their spirits trampled until they can't fight anymore.

I was informed that this guy has emotional problems when he drinks. This guy has already proven to me that he watches me quite closely. He signed for flowers for me once that were none of his buisiness and took them into his house. I just took it as a kind gesture at the time. He told the cop my whole life habit once when the cop knocked on my door for something (the station's on the block). Then proceeded to give him my phone number...which I never gave him nor mentioned my last name to. But then, it would have been on the flowers he took. He also told me today that he was waiting for me to get home so he could tell me not to park there. Because it's just absurd to make his wife walk an extra 3 feet. Once again, literally. There's room for another car directly behind mine, another spot he claims as his. The lovely police chief I chatted with this summer will be informed of this harassment and politely asked to keep his ears open for future harassment of others and myself. If this guy shows up on my doorstep without an apology and flowers, I'm calling the cops on him. If he gets near my car or my neighbors' cars, I'm calling the cops. Dude, you messed with the wrong stubborn woman.

I can't wait til Darren parks there and he tries picking a fight with a 6'4" tall King of the Dicks (that's an endearing title given to express your talent for driving people to the edge and throwing themselves off, dearie). That I want a video of.

Toy Story

2005-09-06T23:09:00.000-04:00

So I've spent several days with Boyfriend, and had a blast. Last night we stopped in at Toys'R'Us to look for the Spud Trooper. It's the second store we've searched thus far, and still no luck.

He is the successor to Darth Tater. I love you, Hasbro.

So we got a motorized Slurpee-Maker for alcoholic beverages and a Nerf NStrike dartgun to shoot people in the head. Today we made a return trip to get the other guns that actually attach to the little one to form a giant mess of dartery. This includes the Nerf Rocket Launcher. He's going to love inviting his friends over to his new apartment...

Complements

2005-09-01T13:20:00.000-04:00

One of the best I've ever recieved:
Me: "Hi *insert anonymous name here*!"
Anonymous: "Hi Cate! Boy, I can't wait until tomorrow."
Me: "Oh yeah? Why's that?"
Anonymous: "Because you get better lookin' everyday."

Attack of the Weeble-Wobbles!

2005-08-30T14:08:00.000-04:00

Oh dear, someone please help me. I made the mistake of putting the newly-acquired Dale wobbler we got in the cereal box on the desk in here...and I cannot stop playing with it. What's going to happen when I talk the general merchandise manager into giving me the giant Mikey one from the store? (I'd like to add that the promo Mikey one is a giant, bouncy, one-eyed monster.)

Congratulations!

2005-08-30T13:43:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to B5 for their album, "B5" and making it to number 200 on the Billboard Top 200 Chart...You look like the urban equivalent to the Douchestreet Boys.

I'd also like to add that Billboard makes it extremely difficult to view any of their charts without paying $20 a month for it. But they'll let you view the money-making tops of the charts, rather than the losers. You have to pay to see who the losers are. Real nice.

A Shortcut to Mushrooms

2005-08-26T11:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I discovered that I can eat an entire pint of mushrooms...in one sitting. It rather impressed Darren. I don't know why I ate them all, but they were good. And now they're gone. It made me feel all warm and spongey inside. Glad I told you all.

~Cate~

Random Thought:

2005-08-24T15:25:00.000-04:00

Let's pretend your weight matches your IQ...is the glass half-empty or half-full?

Well, shit.

A Man I Like to Call Boyfriend

2005-08-24T12:59:00.000-04:00

I know my man appreciates having me around. It's a nice feeling. And when he's at work, and I decide to tidy up his place, it's nice to find little surprises that keep me entertained. Like trying to load the dishwasher and I can't tell which dishes are clean or dirty since you have to prewash them all. Or after I load the dishwasher and I can't get the soap in there since the dry detergent is so old it's solidified in the box using all the moisture from the air. It's cool, though. It means mold will have a harder time growing with no moisture in the air. This is his way of protecting me since I'm highly allergic to mold. This is the man I like to call Boyfriend.

Boyfriend likes when I clean up. He doesn't have to do it and I don't move all his stuff to hidden places around the house like his mom does. I know they belong there so I just organize things into little piles and boxes (I really like boxes) so he doesn't freak out when it's not where he left it. This is my way of protecting him, since he hates when things are not where they belong.

I keep his nudie magazines in 2 piles under the table for him. One pile he's read and the other is new. But he's an intellectual, there are a few Newsweeks scattered in there. This is yet another entertainment opportunity for me, since he discovered I find Playboy highly amusing and love lingerie, too. This is the man I like to call, Boyfriend.

So ladies, next time you have to clean up after your man, just remember they're doing it for us. Like that episode of Family Guy when Peter forgets his anniversary and sends Lois on a treasure hunt so he can go golfing all day.

Sure he's got a few bad habits,

...but he's the man I like to call Boyfriend.

6 Months

2005-08-24T12:14:00.000-04:00

It has been 6 months since Y100 went off the air. But it's also been 6 months since they started broadcasting live on the web instead. Oh, right. Not all of you are from this area.

OK. Here's the overview:
Y100 was pretty much the coolest radio station the greater Philly area had to offer. They played sweet new releases, alternative, 90's grunge, and prided themselves on exposing local bands waiting for their big breaks. Every year they had huge music festivals and released Sonic Session CDs. On weekends they had a good mix of music and little commercials. Every weekday they had the 90's Nooner. I mean, seriously, WTF? They were replaced with yet another dumb-ass hip hop station with pretty much no notice. So they asked their fans to sign a petition to get back on the air. I have no idea how many sigs they got, but it was one hell of a lot. Didn't matter. But these people were great enough to start an online station FOR FREE right away to appease their fans. When I say for free, I mean they don't get paid to do this. THANK you, guys.

I can't get it to work on Mozilla, but it works on IE. All I can say is, what's greater than the Nooner? Oh wait. They did a few days of U2 songs before the new album was released. That was my dream. But the Nooner is a kick-ass mix. Enjoy the webstation, wherever you are. And for all the guys who read this page, here's your long-awaited hot chick:

Sorry it took me so long. You'll enjoy more hot photos on her site...but she's a freak if you read her interview.

Thievery At Its Best

2005-08-20T00:15:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of blogging, I stole this from Cate's site (Original Recipe, I'm New Cate):

01. if i could build a house anywhere - Aw man, just one?! I'd pick Italy. It's the furthest I've ever been, and felt so at home. I can only Narrow it down to Venice, the Chianti region (Tuscany-ish), or outskirts of Rome. (P.S. Scott G, I'll never forget that you promised me 2 villas when you become richer than God and kick Bill Gates' ass. One in CA and one in Italy. Sure it was high school, but I'll keep reminding you so it lives on.)

02. favorite article of clothing - Lingerie. Working at Victoria's Secret only fueled the fire. Hey, if I'm going to spend his money, it's better than buying shoes...but shoes are still great.

03. last cd bought - Got Jet's Get Born and 2 new (to my collection) Ella cds several months ago. I don't update often.

04. what time do i wake up in the morning - Hmm...would that be the first or second time? I tend to wake up at 7 or 8 then crash again and get up between 10 and 11.

05. favorite kitchen appliance - Tough one. I do most things by hand since I know how and don't have a well-furnished house. But at Darren's house-oh boy! So many shortcuts it's fantastic. My favorite is our newly adopted Moobert. He's a cow sandwich maker that moos. Words cannot begin to express my love for Moobert.

06. if i could play an instrument - I already know violin and trumpet, learned basic piano, and figured out most related string and brass instruments. If I had to pick one I have no talent for, it'd probably be harmonica. Bono and the Boss always made me jealous with adding some bluesey flare to their rock.

07. my favorite color - Green green green green...if it wasn't OBvious already.

08. prefer suv, car or truck - I drive a little car, now. It works for me. I'm little. The boyfriend has the SUV more than covered. But I've always wanted an old Ford pick-up. They just really appeal to me. Reeeeally appeal.

09. do i believe in the afterlife - Gave up on the organized religions, but I like to still learn about them for info. There's something after this, though...

10. favorite children's book - The Teeny Tiny Woman. I used to recite it around the age of 3. "GIVE ME MY BONE!" Hey, that still kind of appl-ok we'll just stop that thought right there.

11. favorite season - Winter. SNOW SNOW SNOW! Also, KILLS MOLD. It's always fun to see all those bastards who mow the lawns the rest of the year so I can't go outside killing their backs shoveling instead of killing me. Not that I harbor any resentment or anything.

12. if i had a superpower, what would it be - Breathing underwater. Everyone else dreams of flying. I dream that I drown and then can breathe underwater. Although I can occasionally "float" in the air in my dreams. It seems pretty scary.

13. what is your tattoo if you have one - Can't commit to anything on me for life. I have a recurring nightmare that I wake up with a HUGE Shaggy and Scooby on my back and suffer needlessly because it's permanent. It's torture. I love Scooby, but don't need a huge one on my back, thankyouverymuch.

14. can you juggle - My dad can. Really well. Maybe I'll inherit that when he dies. Despite him showing me how, I just can't get it going.

15. who would i go back and talk to in the past - SO MANY people. Ben Franklin, Teddy Roosevelt, Ella Fitzgerald, Vivian Leigh, Cary Grant, and several of my relatives.

16. favorite day - Usually the second day off in a row. The first day is always my crash day to make up for stressing my body out.

17. whats in the trunk of your car - Do not ask what ye are not prepared to hear.

18. do i prefer sushi or hamburger - BEEEEEEEEEEEF!

19. favorite era of time - "the forties and fifties, when women were women, steaks were big, neighborhoods were safe, and convertibles were huge and chromed." Well put, Cate!
I'd go with the 30's life and the 40's style. The 40's style everything was great, but it was wartime. The 30's were all about living the rich life (unless you were poor, then you were starving).

20. favorite holidays - Halloween is so fun. Dressing up, tons of chocolate and home-made treats, no family gatherings, parties galore, ghost stories, and the Harvest moon. Can't beat it.

21. favorite person in your life (other than your significant other/children) - My Rebekah! It's just a lonely life if I don't get to talk to her. We can be girly together without having to deal with "womanisms" that piss us off (aka most other women).

22. favorite flower - Purple Irises, Snapdragons, roses, and blue balloon flowers. I adore the softness of a rose on my skin.

23. what's my favorite meal - If my stomach would hold it all: Tony's garlic knots, fried pumpkin flowers, and fried mozzerella for apps, baked ziti or fettucini alfredo for entree, a nice salad, and then a slice of cheesecake with raspberry sauce and a great ice cream or sorbet for dessert. So? I HAPPEN to be Italian...and a chef...shut up. Make your own damn food next time.

You Know You Have Big Boobs When...

2005-08-18T23:19:00.000-04:00

1. Your underwires continue to break, rip through the fabric of the bra, and repeatedly stab you in the boob until you can remove said bra.

2. The strongest muscles in your body are in between your shoulder blades and on the top of your shoulder/neck area.

3. You have several names on a waiting list in (their) hopes that you get a breast reduction and wish to donate the excess boobage.

4. You look enormous in any shirt or dress that does not tailor your waist because your chest creates a canope effect.

5. Men lose all train of thought when staring at your cleavage or if your boobs bounce. (This can be quite amusing or beneficial).

6. You break two seperate bikini tops in one summer. Yes, I said break.

7. Sleeping on your back is not an option due to suffocation. You'd be better off if you had a midget jumping on your chest all night. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

If I Were King...err, um, Queen.

2005-08-18T21:12:00.000-04:00

Oh the glory that would be! I was surfing the net and came across the new Christopher Walken rumor. The buzz was that Walken was running for the 2008 Presidency. Snopes has named the rumor as being FALSE.

Why must the truth be so cruel?! If it were up to me, Walken would be a great candidate. In interview, he is an extremely intelligent and well-studied man. Not to mention he cracks me up every time and knows how to take a joke as well. Anyone who can play a badland gangster, a cooky scientist, a parody of a 'Nam decorated officer, then turn around and do the Fatboy Slim video is qualified if you ask me (you just cannot help but dance along with him). Now imagine, if you will, all the impressions of Christopher Walken as President. There are several scenarios that I've come up with, but none seem to do justice to what the imagination holds. I'll leave that to the professionals.

Serious or not, Walken, you'd have my vote for life.

P.S. My cousin was a waiter at a NYC restaurant long ago and had some endearing stories about the entertaining bartender who later became this beloved actor.
P.P.S. He "rescued" my friend from some doors a few times (revolving and elevators, lol) in the past, so he's awesome forever in my book. No, seriously, it wasn't me. As much as it sounds like me...

Side Note:

2005-08-09T15:03:00.000-04:00

I'm on Yahoo Messenger today and decide to use the Launchast feature, when I notice a new commercial-free catagory. SWEET! Who would argue with no commercials, right? So I select the "Today's Big Hits" station. What's the first thing? A commercial from Chrysler advertising their sponsorship of a commercial-free station and, of course, their new convertibles. Hmm...if I'm not mistaken, that's a commericial. No wonder every Chrysler van we had when I was a kid blew its transmission.

The Clinton Family Cow

2005-08-08T14:32:00.000-04:00

Today I finally checked my aim webmail and found a nice note from my dear friend at PSU. He is a treasure in himself, as well as a treasure of humor sources.

"I came across this little gem on CNN.com and thought you’d appreciate it. Somehow I think 40 goats and 20 cows is a bit much for that frumpy bitch, but that’s just me."

Oh the glory of my friend.

The little gem points out that a man, with good references, in Africa has sent proposals to former President Clinton several times, asking for Chelsea's hand in marriage. As in most cultures (or at least in most cultures' former traditions), there is a dowry. I tend to disagree with my friend, and suggest to Bill that this is the best offer he may recieve. Hmm...weight of the former leader of the most powerful country in the world (dim as his influences may now be) in exchange for his American Non-Royalty daughter. It's a tough choice.

*In best Bill Clinton voice* "Come on Chelsea, pop out a few kids for the guy so I can have something to call my own in this world. I think some goats and cows would keep me out of trouble with women!"

Given his choice in women, Bill may be happier with his livestock and put up with less nagging and control issues. I would be happy if, from now on, everytime Hillary opens her big mouth her words come out as bull moos instead of bull shit. I would accept other livestock sounds as well as bulls, but it just had a ring to it in that particular statement...

I also find it hilarious that the site gives options for email alerts on Kenya, technology (general), Military Intelligence, and Hillary Rodham Clinton but blatantly ignores former President of the United States of America in lieu of his wife. Oh how I laugh at the misfortune of others! The best part is, if the Secret Service convinces Clinton to ignore it, by the suitor's traditions he must remain single until he recieves a response from Clinton. I wonder what happens if Hillary responds instead because she wears the pants. She's a woman, does it count? Or does he remain single if she responds?

Peach From The Beach!

2005-08-08T14:24:00.000-04:00

I'm back! I can tell by the lack of visitors that I was sadly missed...or forgotten. I only had 2 days in the sun so I was still white when I got home, but after having some sun yesterday I'm nice an peachy! One more day of exposure and I might actually be tan. (Tan being tan-colored, not tan compared to normal people).

We spent lots of quality time with the family. My cousins have a dog that's suitably sized for a man such as Darren.

My uncle was so pleased when he saw his chicken pot pie.

Nothing beats a round of Pirate Golf with my man.

CW: "Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated ARRRRRR!"

We had a great day on the boat, including some drunk driving and the brick toss (sorry, no cabers available).

"Me main target is BOOTY! Arrrrrgh!"

We went to the Chinese buffet the one night. They had roast beef for Darren and crab legs for my dad. They lost a lot of money that night. I assume the place went bankrupt by now.

I had the time to read the local paper, too. It's good to see the south has progressed so much in recent years:

...And that they still have plans for the future:

If anyone is interested in the rest of my photos, try snapfish.com or ask me to invite you to view them. Darren didn't bring his camera, so I apologize for the lack of bikini shots.

That's What We Like To Hear!

2005-07-26T23:44:00.000-04:00

Man, I love good old-fashioned discipline! This blurb talks about some awesome volunteer that taped 20 or so kids' mouths shut when they wouldn't be quiet during a concert rehearsal. Just like when my boyfriend duct-taped a kid to a pole at the pool when he wouldn't behave. No, I'm serious.

Beacheriffic!

2005-07-26T22:55:00.000-04:00

SNAP! We are off to the beach! Yeah yeah, I know. I hear ya. You love me sooooo incredibly much that you're upset that I post once and I'm gone again. It's alright, really. I'll be back...with pictures! I also fully expect to see me in a bikini on Darren's site, because he's that great of a boyfriend. All I can say is, they'd better be flattering or cropped!

"Fart you, you fartin' fart." I'm goin' to the beach!

We'll be staying with my rockin' cousins in their beautiful house with a hot tub. A bunch of my mom's side will be there as well, we're making it a yearly reunion type dealy. They're a fun group. We have escape plans in case Darren gets an overdose. I plan to take him on a date to the Norfolk waterfront one night, and there's one spot in particular he'll enjoy. I plan on having a young'ns outing one night with my generation, and hopefully my galpal, Nisa. We can try for a movie one night, if needs be. We'll see how much of this we actually accomplish. The days will be filled with beachtime and boating and a whole lotta not much else.

Look out, Nick Harvey. We're gunnin' for you before we hit the shore.

~Cate~

A Great Test For Your Favorite Coworkers...

2005-07-17T16:46:00.000-04:00

 The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell
you

whether  you are qualified to be a professional.  Scroll down
for each answer.

The questions are NOT that difficult.  But don't scroll down
UNTIL you have answered the question!

1.  How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


















The correct answer is:  Open the refrigerator, put in the
giraffe, and close  the door.  This question tests whether you tend to
do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2.  How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?























Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and
close the refrigerator?   Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer:  Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe,
put in the elephant and close the door.  This tests your ability to
think through the repercussions of your previous actions.


























3.  The Lion King is hosting an animal conference.  All the
animals attend... except one.  Which animal does not attend?

























Correct Answer:  The Elephant.  The elephant is in the
refrigerator.  You just put him in there.  This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not  answer the first three questions correctly,
you still have one more chance  to show your true abilities.







4.  There is a river you must cross but it is used by
crocodiles, and you do not have a boat.  How do you manage it?


























Correct Answer:  You jump into the river and swim across. Have
you not been  listening?  All the crocodiles are attending the Animal
Meeting.  This tests  whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
professionals  they tested got all questions wrong, but many
preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this
conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals do not have
the brains of a four-year-old.

Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.

PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel
good.

An Interesting 5 Minutes:

2005-07-13T11:02:00.000-04:00

I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, pathetically simple-minded, dribbling child!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

The Ever-Encouraging News:

2005-07-13T09:30:00.000-04:00

I try to keep up with the news, I really do. I tend to read it online, seeing as how my local paper sucks ass and the news on TV is either biased, told by complete idiots, or (most often) both. Plus, online I can read the fun news like Reuters' Oddly Enough.

So, what did I find today?

Massachusets Town Toasts End of Booze Ban
The town of Rockport has appearantly been a dry town since the Civil War. Why? Cranky women thought their husbands were spending too much money on booze. There's a surprise...no wonder they drank.

Drive-Through Robber Gets Bank Loot
Some guy drives up to the drive-through. Uses the vacuum tube. Sends the teller a note that he's robbing the bank. The teller complies. There are very few details here. But, if I were a bank teller, if some guy tried robbing me from his FUCKING CAR, I'd get the make & model and as much of his plate as possible, then hit the deck so he can't shoot me. He's outside in his car. YOU'RE IN A BRICK BUILDING. Brains, people. You have to have a basic brain to run your bodily functions. Try developing it into collective thought.

State Wants to Weed Out Marajuana-Flavor Candy
The company that makes this non-THC-containing candy is in NJ. Color me surprised. Do I approve? Probably not. But it's a novelty item sold in novelty stores that kids should not be in to begin with. It's not illegal or addicting, but law-makers want to make it illegal. There are other brands of similar candy that are still allowed to be sold. My only comment to the law-makers is this: THE COMPANY IS CALLED ICUP. Didya NOTICE anything in that acronym?

My New Pastime

2005-07-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

Well, shit. How can anyone not love this? Uncrate.com is my new favorite site and favorite blog of the day. It's a blog that simply features the most awesome toys for guys everyday. I found one thing I'm going to surprise my man with...sort of. He'll read this. Just know you're getting a little present. And this time, it's better than a Chewie lollipop spinner.

The item I just had to share with you all is this:

The Daquiri Whacker Gas Powered Blender!
It is all that is man. Here's the blog's description of it, not mine:
Gas powered blender, you ask? Yup — it’s true. The Daiquiri Whacker Gas Powered Blender ($260) features a 25cc Homelite engine, an unbreakable jar, and Zip Start technology. The most manly feature, however, is the handlebar grip speed control which lets you rev it up like a motorcycle. Whacker indeed.
This is what I found today. Check out the site, it's so much fun. I just thought I'd share that with y'all.

On Any Given Sunday...

2005-07-10T12:56:00.000-04:00

On any given Sunday, a man can watch the Snoopydance. As I was trying to cheer a friend up last night, I told her to do a Snoopydance for me. Why? Simply because no one can do the Snoopydance and not smile.

She told me of when she got to meet Charles Schultz. He was giving a speech on something and somehow came to demonstrate the actual Snoopydance. He taught the audience too. Throw your head back, your arms up, wiggle every part of your body possible, and start stomping around. That is the most awesome mental picture.

Tomorrow, when you're back at work, stand your ass up and do a Snoopydance. I've done mine for this week, on Friday when I picked up my paystub. Don't believe me? Ask the customer service desk.

~Cate~

Commie Interference

2005-07-05T13:03:00.000-04:00

HOW does shit like this get anywhere near a courtroom? I realize it's the Russian system, but how is this bimbo able to even start the legal process of suing NASA? I hope there's more coverage on this of her getting legally bitch-slapped.

Astrologist sues NASA over comet crash

Tue Jul 5, 9:42 AM ET

A Russian astrologist who says NASA has altered her horoscope by crashing a spacecraft into a comet is suing the U.S. space agency for damages of $300 million, local media reported Monday.

NASA deliberately crashed its probe, named Deep Impact, into the Tempel 1 comet to unleash a spray of material formed billions of years ago which scientists hope will shed new light on the composition of the solar system.

"It is obvious that elements of the comet's orbit, and correspondingly the ephemeris, will change after the explosion, which interferes with my astrology work and distorts my horoscope," Izvestia daily quoted astrologist Marina Bai as saying in legal documents submitted before Monday's collision.

A spokeswoman for a Moscow district court said initial preparations for the case were underway but could not say when the hearing would begin. NASA representatives in Moscow were unavailable for comment.

You Bet Your Ass I Would!

2005-06-28T23:05:00.000-04:00

From Reuters:

Women stripping in forest to foil police

Tue Jun 28,10:41 AM ET

Women in an eastern Indian forest are stripping naked to distract police and to help a criminal gang avoid arrest while illegally chopping down trees, the Hindustan Times reported Tuesday.

Some of the women belong to a timber mafia in the heavily-forested state of Jharkhand while others are paid to strip in front of the police, who are too embarrassed to arrest them or too distracted to hunt the gang down, the daily said.

"It is proving tough to deal with these women," Jharkhand forest official B.K. Singh said. "It has almost become a regular practice for them to strip."

India's forest cover has fallen due to illegal cutting of trees in the past few decades. Anyone felling a tree faces up to a year in prison, a fine of up to 5,000 rupees ($115) or both.

Only 21 percent of India is covered by forests compared with a recommended 33 percent by the federal government.

Darren, if you ever commit a crime (with the exception of unfounded murder...with the exception of Nick Harvey's murder), you'd better believe I'd strip to get you an escape! Just promise me you won't stop to watch and get caught anyway. Because I know you would. Just remember, I'd strip for you after you got away. K?

Mind the Hat, Please.

2005-06-28T22:12:00.000-04:00

If you know me, you know I've got it baaaaad for Bono and I cannot get enough U2. I just never ever get sick of them or their records. Hell, I've had Achtung, Baby in my cd player for the last 3 weeks.

Bono and Larry made an appearance in court, in Dublin, this week to plead their case and get their stuff back. Some lady that was on their road crew a while back took some various memorabilia and Bono's Stetson and tried to auction them off.

"Particularly irksome for Bono was Cashman's attempts to sell his cowboy hat, which he deemed iconic and fit for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

"It would be like the Edge giving one of his guitars away. It is not something which will happen," he said.

When Cashman's lawyer, Hugh Hartnett, tried to suggest that those statements were overblown and the band was still too early in its career to be considered iconic , Bono retorted: "Oh no, we had delusions of grandeur from the very beginning." "

Hee hee hee! Like I said, these guys just never get old to me. I find a newer, better Bonobite everytime I read up on the news. Good luck, Bono and Larry...you loveable Irish blokes!

Thanks to Yahoo! News and Eonline for um, letting me steal the quotes.

Ocean Swimmers

2005-06-27T21:23:00.000-04:00

Yeah, that's probably a bull shark. From here I can make a list of sharks it could be, but I gather they had a closer look at the shark before writing the captioning of the news blurb I found this on.

What those morons don't realize is that IF a bull shark is going to attack, unless they're on dry land they CAN and probably will get hurt. Most shark attacks occur in less than 3feet of water, most bulls attack in about 2feet. They feed in very VERY shallow, murky waters, usually at dusk or dawn. The bull has the ability to survive in freshwater, an ability that escapes other species of sharks. They have a chemical process that allows them to absorb oxygen from freshwater and an organ that allows them to control and maintain the level of salt in their bodies. Other species of shark will enter freshwater briefly, at rivermouths, to rid themselves of parasites or give birth but are unable to remain there long. For reasons unknown to me, baby sharks are able to survive in freshwater as small pups in nurseries. I'm not sure how long they are able to live there, though. India has a big problem with these nurseries and with bull sharks in general. The farthest upstream a shark was reported was in Illinois, in the Missisippi River. So Scuba Steve says, "Beeeee careful!"

The bull shark accounts for the majority of attacks on humans due to its liking of the same waters we do. Scientists have also discovered hightened levels of testosterone in the bull shark, which probably adds to its aggressive nature. It's likely that the attacks in a creek in NJ in 1916 were from a bull. The International Shark Attack Files are located in FL. They keep track of all reported attacks and encounters with the animals. The U.S. is one of the higher-rated countries for attacks, due to the large amount of coastlines we have as well as the extreme number of humans that enter the waters. There are only about 10-15 fatalities from attacks globally per year. My stats are in my memory from a couple years ago, however, so I may be wrong on that. If you're interested in more shark stuff, IM me or email me. Ask me about the guy who Nigel Marven interviewed...

The cutest shark: Port Jackson Shark.
We all take a risk when we enter the water. It's not our territory. Sharks, alligators, and crocodiles are among the few species of animals that really haven't evolved much since prehistoric times. They are highly-evolved and effective predators that have not needed changing. If you've been in the ocean or a bay, you've more than likely encountered several sharks, you just never knew it. More people die of lightning strikes and bee stings every year. It just sucks when someone gets killed by any type of animal. But even Steve Zissou forgave the shark.
~Cate~

The coolest shark: Zebra Shark.

P.S. When I listed sharks on my hobbies portion of my profile, I really did mean it. I hope to be inspired to write another shark entry soonish. I won't go into overkill during the summer, though, seeing as how Shark Week was always on while we were at the beach when I grew up. Dun dun. DUN dun. Dun dun dun dun DUN dun DUN dun....

My Newest Cousin!

2005-06-27T20:44:00.000-04:00

Yaaaay! Here's our new little peanut, Briella, with her daddy. She is the first of the new generation amongst us 10 on my dad's side. Geno (daddy) is my oldest cousin and hopefully will have new second cousins from the rest of us someday soon. Congrats!

OMG, she's just so tiny! Her family lives in CA, so I have yet to meet her. Hopefully I'll meet her in September at her uncle's wedding. And she reminds me of my grandmother. Yay for other people's babies!

Because You Can Never Have Too Much of Penguins!

2005-06-27T18:40:00.000-04:00

Wheeeeeee! I just LOVE little penguins!

"Yay! I'm a penguin!"

I had today off. Which means I got up to get something to eat, and then went back to bed. Because that's what I do well. So when I got back upstairs, there was nothing on tv. I wound up on the movie news show on BBC America. They were spotlighting this new documentary called "March of the Penguins." I think it was Morgan Freeman doing the narration, too.

I eventually fell asleep to this. And dreamt of penguins. Let me just say, that they are so hugable! Those Emporer penguins were the best, because they're big enough to squeeze. It was the most awesome dream ever. I was breathing well in the Antarctic, squeezing penguins. OK, so my "having sex with Bono" dream was better. But this was more entertaining.

Stumping 20Q.net again...

2005-06-20T18:07:00.000-04:00

Start at question one and read up. Sorry, didn't feel like swapping all that stuff around. These questions are freaking hilarious when applied to "a penis."

Q30. I am guessing that it is a wig?
Right, Wrong, Close

29.		I guessed that it was a plate? Wrong.
28.		Can you put something into it? Doubtful.
27.		Do you use it in your home? Usually.
26.		Can you wear it on your head? Doubtful.
		Can it bend without breaking? Unknown.
25.		Do you put things in it? Doubtful.
24.		Do you use it at work? Rarely.
23.		Is it flexible? Depends.
22.		Do you clean it regularly? Yes.
21.		Does it have cash value? Probably.
20.		I guessed that it was a tattoo? Wrong.
19.		Is it an article of clothing? No.
18.		Can it fit in an envelope? Depends.
17.		Is it decorative? Sometimes.
16.		Can it be washed? Yes.
15.		Is it usually green? No.
14.		Do you chew it? No.
13.		Is it white? Depends.
12.		Is it straight? Depends.
11.		Does it get wet? Yes.
10.		Is it soft? Sometimes.
9.		Does it bounce? Depends.
8.		Does it come in a pack? Partly.
7.		Would you give it as a gift? Maybe.
6.		Is it larger than a microwave oven (or bread box)? No.
5.		Do most people use this daily? Depends.
4.		Does it make noise? No.
3.		Do you hold it when you use it? Depends.
2.		Does it bring joy to people? Sometimes.
1.		It is classified as Other.

You won!

Is it one of these ...
a vase
a fetish
a diamond earring
a paintbrush
a pacifier
a sponge
a placemat
a knife
a dish towel
a ceramic tile
a spoon
jewelry
a cutting board
a gland
a muscle (body part)
a teaspoon

I suppose it classifies as muscle according to their standards. I didn't add it to the database so others may share my joy. If you do, and then you add it, you're a party-pooping bastard who ruins things for the rest of us.

Side Note!
Playboy Party Joke:

The U.S. ambassador to France invited Jacques Chirac and his wife over for dinner. As they ate, the ambassador's wife said to Chirac's wife, "I hear you two are going on vacation in the Caribbean. It must be nice to get away."
"Yes, I look forward to a week of a penis," Mrs. Chirac replied.
A hush fell over the table. President Chirac leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze Americans pronounce zat word 'appiness.' "

Toilet-Themed Restaurant in Taiwan!

2005-06-20T17:42:00.000-04:00

Because if you eat here, you'll end up on the toilet for two weeks anyway:

Quote of the Week!

2005-06-20T14:30:00.000-04:00

"Ow! My whole life!"
~Cheerleader from Teen Girl Squad (by Strong Bad) after getting run over by a car~

The New 20 Questions

2005-06-20T09:40:00.000-04:00

You may ask, "Is this a waste of my time?" The answer is most definitely, "Yes." That means it's worth your time. Especially for all you lucky people who get internet access at work! Yay!

I've seen this hand-held gadget in my mom's office at work, but the batteries are dead so I've never played it before today. A new poster, Phil, was kind enough to email me some links today. I decided, "What the hell? I'm just putzing around Darren's place until I get motivated to clean up for him." Thus began my determination to stump this bastard of AI.

Alas, it guessed most of my objects correctly. Like koala. But I stumped it with a fork. Take THAT you emotion-lacking database!
"Rebekah : I was thinking boyfriend, it kept guessing dogs LOL"

Ha! We have defeated you!

Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Me

2005-06-16T19:25:00.000-04:00

I came across this on my friend's site and couldn't resist posting it. Feel free to copy and paste on your site or email as well. It's amusing.

All these thing that I've done

from Beans, then from (OR) Cate, and it's appearantly a trend in various blogs now.
X = have done

( ) snuck out of the house I was boring. By the time I was old enough to do this I was either sick or would have pulled a Nick Harvey out a 2nd story window.
(x) gotten lost in your city I get lost going everywhere until I've done it right once or twice. I always seem to find my way where I'm going, though.
(x) seen a shooting star It's a crime if you've never seen one...or at least a satellite or something.
(x) been to any other countries besides Canada Jamaica rocks and Italy is my true home.
(x) had a serious surgery Non-invasive my ASS!
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas (did you even have to ask?) ditto.
(x) kissed a stranger He was the worst kisser ever. Needless to say, we did not win the t-shirt. Bastard.
(x) hugged a stranger I'm just snuggleriffic.
( ) been in a fist fight No, the pansy was hiding behind his girlfriend because he feared me. (Let's just say he was less than courtious to my best friend and was never arrested for it. Even years later he wouldn't let me get within 8 feet of him.)
( ) been arrested The term "goody-two-shoes" comes to mind.
( ) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose I've never had anything fun come out my nose.
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator If you haven't, you suck.
(x) swore at your parents I think I said "shit" in front of them a few times. According to them, I don't know what "the f-bomb" is....shut up.
(xxxxx) been in love I dive in head-first everytime.
(x) been close to love WTF? I think so...
(x) been to a casino Vegas, baby! I'll visit soon, I promise.
( ) been skydiving Not dying is a good goal in life. At least not dying in a stupid accident that you asked for is a good goal.
( ) skinny dipped I love swimming so I'm sure I'd love this better. Especially with my man. I plan to do this and sunbathe nude as much as possible before I die.
( ) skipped school Does being bedridden count?
(x) seen a therapist Turns out I can get happy pills from my physician so I don't have to answer 3rd-grade-level questions from some moron who makes more than I'll ever make.
(x) done the splits 16 years of dancing, much? Hee hee hee, still doing the split part ;)
(x) played spin the bottle That was as lame and unproductive as red rover.
(x) gotten stitches Just from wisdomteethectomy.
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour Um, I get stomach cramps from one glass.
(x) bitten someone Never hard, but he bitched about it like I drew blood.
( ) been to Niagara Falls I hear it's wet.
(x) gotten the chicken pox Still have a few scars!
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex Duh.
( ) crashed into a friend's car I only attack mailboxes.
( ) been to Japan Square watermelons cost a lot, according to Homer.
(x) ridden in a taxi And been hit on by almost every driver.
(x) been dumped By all but one of the ex'es. It's sad, really.
( ) shoplifted Nah. Not worth it.
( ) been fired These days, they just stop giving you hours til you're forced to get a new job. Otherwise you can collect unemployment from them.
(x) had a crush on someone of the same sex Helloooo? Angelina Jolie? If you don't have a crush on her you're not sexual at all. Whatever sex you are or sexual persuasion.
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back Yeah but I usually get my man.
( ) gone on a blind date I know what I want and try like hell to get it. I don't let friends put themselves in that "matchmaker" death seat.
(x) lied to a friend Her fiancee bloody TOLD her when the surprise bridal shower was. Dork.
(x) had a crush on a teacher Believe it or not, I am partly normal.
( ) celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans Next year?
(x) been to Europe Italia e casa mia!
( ) slept with a co-worker I dated him for about a year, but he was done training at our store before I started dating him...so he wasn't really a coworker. I don't do inner-office relationships. That's good for NO one.
( ) been married No, but if one more person asks me why I'm not married I'll become homicidal.
( ) gotten divorced No preface for divorce. I also won't get married unless I'm prepared for spending the rest of my life tied to the poor guy...or his bed.
( ) had children The kids I see at work remind me daily that I'm not ready; even if I want kids of my own that will never act like that for fear of pain of death or worse.
(x) seen someone die My puppy counts. That was the hardest decision of my life.
( ) had a close friend die Don't anyone try anything that results in me marking an x for this one. If I want you dead, you'll know it or come to realize it soon. Promise.
( ) been to Africa You go on your safaris in the sweltering heat. I'm going to South Africa to watch great whites breech. OK, I'd like to see Ancient Egypt someday.
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day Once the west coast, many times the east.
( ) been to Mexico Dude, I don't drink the water here!
( ) been to India SO don't need any diseases. And if I go on vacation I cannot survive without beef.
(x) been on a plane I don't sleep on planes.
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show and was forced to waste 2 hours of my life. What a waste of lingerie.
( ) thrown up in a bar The operative word being "in."
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire Try as I might...
(x) eaten sushi Raw salmon is so much better than cooked. Still wouldn't ask for sushi.
( ) been skiing/snowboarding I live at the foot of the closest ski mountain. My dance teacher used to threaten my life if I hinted at skiing.
(x) met someone in person from the internet My gal, Rebekah, is beyond awesome!
(x) lost a child I always found a good spot to be until my adults found me.
(x) gone to college/university Attended one of the top culinary schools in the country.
( ) graduated college/university Working on it.
(x) fired a gun Just a BB gun with my dad once. Darren's going to take me on a date to a firing range...or I'll never cook for him again.
( ) purposely hurt yourself If by purposely you mean I made a klutzy dumb mistake and had an accident, yes. Or if you mean I did so many sports that I misaligned my back so badly it just went out on me one day, then yes. It's just never been a direct kind of purposely.
(x) taken painkillers Infected teeth are probably the worst type of pain I've had. And I've had many types of pain. Infected teeth just hurt no matter what you do and are direct nerve damage.
( ) been intimate with someone of the same gender No, but I've seen other chicks naked and have one chick who loves to squeeze my boobs when she's drunk.

One More Reason NOT To Have Sex In China...

2005-06-14T14:46:00.000-04:00

This means you, Nick Harvey!

For the Love of Penguins...

2005-06-13T12:16:00.000-04:00

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Poke the Penguin

Seriously, keep poking him.

~Cate~

I'm not heartless!

2005-06-09T16:00:00.000-04:00

My reasoning is this: if the guy working on the roof of the next apartment building has to stand up there next to the metal chimney thing and take the time to PONDER whether or not he should get down, it would be OK to laugh when he gets struck by lightning. First I looked up when I saw the flash. Then he stopped and looked around as if he wasn't sure he saw anything. But when he didn't retreat after hearing the thunder and looking at the lightning again, I stopped worrying about his welfare. But, seeing how he's a contractor in NJ, he probably belongs to the mob and will get killed if he doesn't finish his work. Either way he's dead real quick. Or maybe he'll get struck by lightning and become Powder or something...hmm....

Just in case you couldn't figure out what the picture was of...they pointed it out for you.

Gregory Despres.

2005-06-08T14:50:00.000-04:00

I just read this article. Does anyone want to tell me how they couldn't find ONE thing to hold him on, or at least delay questioning when the U.S. government is the one that found a legal way to kill the Rosenbergs? Aren't brass knuckles illegal wepons nowadays?

There must be SOMEthing. Hell, they pulled me out of line at the airport after the metal detector went off. They didn't give me time to check and make sure i didn't have change on me or something. I was scooted off to the security search area. It was not an international flight, but I understand concern for any flight. They use the wand first when you set off the doorway detector thing. The wand didn't find anything, so I had to go get felt up by a giant black lady. I felt bad for her since she has to go through a rigamoroll about how, basically, she's not molesting me. I said I didn't care as long as I could go. I was dressed fashionably, and I don't exactly fit a threatening profile. I was also with my parents. What set the detector off, you ask? My fucking BRA. The security lady that molested me ran a different type of wand over me and it only went nuts in front of my boobs. It wasn't even the hooks in the back, it was the little V in the front. I realize I could make a great inuendo about the wand sentence, but I doubt you need me to make you laugh at that...

So this creepy looking dude comes to the U.S. border. My first question is, who in holy fuck would pick up a hitch-hiker with visible dark stains everywhere and a menagerie of weapons also visibly stained with a dark substance? Even truckers are picky about hitch-hikers anymore.

Let's assume he luckily overcame obstacle #1. After that comes the border patrol. We all know that it's on the U.S. to monitor things going in and out of Canada. They wouldn't be happy about letting a vehicle carrying the aforementioned items drive through the border, so why is a man carrying them different? I'd find a man physically carrying a chainsaw that far to be quite suspicious, more so than a trunk full of those items.

Alright. The U.S. border agents tried. It's certainly no easy task. But I cannot, for one second, believe that they could not find ANY loopholes to keep the guy overnight. How many laws did they make up for Homeland Security? Couldn't they just say they were investigating him before allowing him through? Even if that search was fruitless it's legal to tag a federal babysitter to follow him and make sure he doesn't commit a crime. Police observation isn't against the law as long as they keep their distance and don't interfere.

I apologize that I can't post his photo on here just yet, perhaps tonight if I remember I will with the other computer. I couldn't find a direct link to it, but it is a freaky photo. In conclusion, WTF?

~Cate~

Pointing Fingers...

2005-06-03T11:16:00.000-04:00

If you know me, then you know I'm not in the best shape of my life. I'm certainly not skinny, but nor am I obese. I've just got a little fluff around the midsection. But when I was in the best shape of my life, they told me I was over the "ideal weight" for my height. Might I add that I was muscular yet feminine, and did every sport known to man? 5' 3 1/2" and 140lbs. of boobs and pure muscle isn't that bad an idea to me.

Read this article. Did you read it? Good. No seriously, you should read it.

I highly agree that obesity is a problem in this world. I do find the article to be a bit ridiculous, though. Yes, obesity is a problem for a lot of people. But it's not an "epidemic" like West Virginia claims. Come on, you didn't even come up with an original name for your state, you just copied the one next to you. Obesity is not a virus or disease that spreads to people or even happens in a short amount of time. Even with the help of steroids and inactivity, it takes a while to really pack on the weight.

Having the CDC look into obesity in this country may be a good thing, but don't make claims that there's an epidemic of it in your state to get an investigation then argue with all the suggestions the organization comes up with to solve the "problem." The fact is, you cannot point fingers at anyone else for your weight problems unless you're a child who has to eat what he's given. I'm a little overweight, but I'm certainly not delusional, thinking it's someone else's fault. We're so quick to point the finger and blame something easier than to actually do something about a problem. It's my own damn fault I had Doritos for breakfast instead of a granola bar. When I want to lose weight, I do something. I'm limited in what I can do, but I find a way to do it. Don't be lazy and take diet pills, get off your fat ass and improve your diet until your ass isn't fat anymore.

It's not just Americans that are fat. I've heard garble on the news about the rest of the world blaming us for getting fat because fast food originated here. You're the ones who make it a staple of your diet! There are services and inventions for every aspect of life now, and all those little things add up and contribute little bits into our level of activity. People used to work from dawn to dusk, toiling away at something, have no money for food, little means of food available, and had to do everything by hand while trying to avoid the plague, dragons, and getting your head set on fire. THAT's why they weren't all fat back then. Things are much better in these days, so fucking appreciate it and do some enjoyable damn exercise to lose that weight. Opening your huge mouth to whine about it does nothing.

"They'll find out what we all know - that the country is no longer set up for physical exercise," Dr. McGee said. And that schoolchildren "don't get a nutritious diet." And that "there is a lot of high-fat food on the shelves of every supermarket."

Right, dude. There isn't a surge of health clubs and fitness centers. The schools don't serve nutritious foods like hot dogs with sauerkraut or hamburger trash for lunch everyday. Now they offer unhealthy shit like salads and turkey sandwiches. And I must be blind, because I have trouble finding the original products on the shelves instead of fat-free and sugar-free. Or maybe I just live in the civilized world where we have actual grocery stores instead of the dry goods tractor supply that only serves beef jerky.

I wouldn't make you read all that without the obligatory hot chick. She's the best kind of curvy.

The Americans Are Coming! The Americans Are Coming!

2005-05-20T11:43:00.000-04:00

This title is a parody of "The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!" which is an amusing old flick basically mocking the Cold War fears. Now, onto the subject!
I came across this interesting article today, and found it amusing enough to share:

Lake disappears, baffling villagers

Thu May 19, 1:15 PM ET

A Russian village was left baffled Thursday after its lake disappeared overnight.

NTV television showed pictures of a giant muddy hole bathed in summer sun, while fishermen from the village of Bolotnikovo looked on disconsolately.

"It is very dangerous. If a person had been in this disaster, he would have had
almost no chance of survival. The trees flew downwards, under the ground," said Dmitry Zaitsev, a local Emergencies Ministry official interviewed by the channel.

Officials in Nizhegorodskaya region, on the Volga river east of Moscow, said water in the lake might have been sucked down into an underground water-course or cave system, but some villagers had more sinister explanations.

"I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us," said one old woman, as she sat on the ground outside her house.

Only the Russians could "lose" a lake. I feel sorry for the commie bastards, since the general public has filtered knowledge of news events and such. At least, that's what I assume, since they still think the Cold War is going on. That's right, lady. Minnesota's 10,000 Lakes just aren't enough for us, we're Americans. MORE MORE MORE! We decided we needed just one more lake and subterraneously stole your polluted lake in Permafrost Russia. I mean, I've never seen proof of a successful nuke over there, so they probably buried their trial ones and forgot where they are, thus, contaminating your entire country.

Ok, I'm gonna stop now. Ripping on Russia is just too damn easy, and below my level of wit.

~Cate~

Blog Traditions

2005-05-19T13:01:00.000-04:00

Since my next post is very positive, I suppose I should bitch a little just to even things out and keep up the spirit of blogging.

You know, once you've had EXTREME Cheese Easy Mac, you just can't go back to the original. It's like drinking a fine Pino Grigio then switching to Fre. We had to drink that in dining room class when we learned tableside wine service.

They should really sell that cheese mix junk. Then I can dump a crapload onto my easy mac until I have instant artery blockage. Mmmm...MSG. Darren, dude, start eating your easy mac so I can replace it with extreme cheese.

~Cate~

Grocery Day!

2005-05-09T18:02:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I've bitched about diets and nutrition before. Mostly I think everything in moderation will do you just fine. I basically stick to that, but I don't always get my 5 veggies and 3 dairy per day. I normally eat what I'm hungry for. I guess I've been eating too well over the last week or so, because now my body's cravings consist mainly of junk. I went to the store today, and got half junk, and half healthy stuff and cleaning stuff. Which means it's 1/4 healthy food and 1/4 cleaning stuff. I had a dream about doughnuts and gave in to the craving, at last. I managed to avoid ice cream , though. I'm great...

I did make some lady's day because we were both looking for the light saber spoons. She was looking for her kids, I...was not. She mentioned looking for more toys that they'd like and I compensated her by raving about Darth Tater. I also persueded her to come to the store I work at next week for Star Wars-themed foods. She was very grateful for my babbling. May the tater be with you.

He's all I want for Christmas! Actually, sooner than that would be better for me.

How to Lose Your Boss in Ten Days...

2005-05-06T10:54:00.000-04:00

So I've got this friend, ok? Yes, I actually do have one. I stopped in the restaurant to visit him last week. It was on the way home...and I had a good hair day, even after work. I chatted with my old boss and a couple of the other guys I worked with. It's nice to misssed :)

The general consensus was all the kitchen schmoes bide their slow nights plotting the new asst. kitchen manager's "accidental" death...verrrry carefully. I've met the guy. About my age, kind of cute, and seemed likeable by my terms...which translated to him being a sarcastic asshole. I can't actually call him an asshole though, I don't know him. That was the word others used. He's ok by me, I don't have to work for the guy.

"Oopsies! You accidentally caught fire, there."
I was begged to start a poll on the subject. With the close of Darren's latest contests, I'm holding one instead. First prize is a 3-course meal prepared by me. Your choice of main entree. If I feel generous, I might add 2nd and 3rd place prizes. To enter, post your comments on this page or email them to me. You may keep your anonymity from the general public if you wish, but I reserve the right to name you if you win. Obviously, I'll need to know who you are if you enter.

"No, I will NOT file that!"
How would your boss "accidentally" meet his fate? Because we all know, no one that reads this blog would EVER actually put such effrontery into play...COUGH. The kitchen is one of the BEST spots for such incidents, seeing as how we all play with blades and fire all day long. Last night Darren and I discussed combining the two to have flaming knives. Personally, I love my bosses so I need no "hypothetical" course of action. No, actually, I wasn't being sarcastic there. My bosses rock. You've gotta love a man who warns me not to trip over his jugs (on the floor). Yes, they were pretty big. I sent one back at him about having enough of my own without having to worry about his now too.

What I hope never to need resort to...
So! Contest. Gourmet meal. Killing people. Firey blades. What's not to love? Contest starts now...and I expect some damn entries (unlike my polls).

~Cate~

One more, because she's just that damn hot.

Go Lehigh!

2005-05-04T20:04:00.000-04:00

Lehigh University.
You know, there are certain things a person should aspire to do in life. Me? I haven't figured it all out yet. Right now, all I want is health, enough wealth to vacation, and happiness. I don't have one place I HAVE to live or else I'd be miserable. I don't have that one person I need to make me happy. And, honestly, I don't care what I do for a living as long as I'm happy with it. I still like my current job and hope to keep it.

If you've been following, you'll recall that I recently dove back into the workforce. It only took about five minutes before I was reminded of what some people want to be when they grow up...If they grow up. I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be nice, Cate, to be a Lehigh girl? Wouldn't it be nice to be beautiful, athletic, and richer than God?" Sure. Sure it would. But what would suck about being a Lehigh girl is that you'd be dumb as bricks. I can't even count how many airheads I've waited on (and I am, actually, good enough at math that I can count consecutively).

"But, I dunnoooo!"

Scenario:
*In front of a case of food sold by weight with display containers for approximate weight equivalents*
"Hi there! What can I do for you tonight?"
"Yeah, um, like what's that stuff?"
"Those are our mixed vegetables." *as is stated on the SIGN*
"Oh. Well, are they, like hot or something?"
"Actually, everything in this case is cold, but pre-cooked. We have hot meals available right up here..."
"They're cold? So, I can't like, eat them here?"
"We have microwaves for you in the seating area just up there in the cafe area."
"But, they're not cooked or anything."

I think that'll suffice for now. I'm getting dumber as I type it all out. I fear if I continue I'll forget what the produce section is for.

The Happy Bunny. My idol.

A hot Lacrosse chick.

I admitted to my beloved coworker, that it must be nice to be a Lehigh girl. Because, seriously, the other females that shop here don't even compared to how blatantly dense these girls are. We're nearby so they come over from campus to get food. If nothing else, they always make me feel smarter and I must say, they're at least very sweet (most of them) and usually good at whatever it is that college girls do. So, GO LEHIGH!!!

What you get when there's a lack of photos of hot Lehigh chicks. This came up under "college chicks."

Hooray for New Friends!!!

2005-05-04T19:01:00.000-04:00

Yaaaay! I made a new friend! Cate totally makes up for my sucky weekend post. I found her through in parenthesis and we started emailing. She just keeps getting cooler, and we've advanced to IMs now. I'm not expecting phone sex anytime soon, but with another Cate, you never ever know. She rocks and rolls, all night long.

On a related note, though Rebekah is not really a new friend, she has her site up and running now! She's started a photo-editing business, and even if you aren't in the market, you should see her site. It's just too pretty to miss! Just like her ;) There will remain a permanent link on the sidebar. Go now!

Love,
Cate (New Cate, to her :))

Stopping Dead in my Tracks...

2005-05-04T15:31:00.000-04:00

I was going through my daily routine today when I stumbled across something odd. I'd opened a few windows for the kitties, since they adore being perched in them. I filled their bowl of food. I went into the bathroom to make sure their water bowl was filled (we've come to a comprimise between having a bowl filled and running water...the bowl sits in the sink now and gets filled frequently).

As soon as I walked in there, I stopped dead. The door was open. A little info on my house: it's a century-old Victorian twin with a balcony off the bathroom. I know, it's odd. But I didn't build it. And it makes a nice way for the cats to be outside without running away. Anyway, back to the suprise. The balcony door was the one open. I hadn't even been in the bathroom today. Last night was pretty damn cold and I KNOW I didn't open it. Even if it had been me who opened it, which I'm 100% sure I did not, I always put something between the door and the frame so the babies don't get locked out if the wind blows the door.

As I'm sure I've mentioned to a bunch of you, I've had little ghostly encouters in my house. I've had them several places, but right now we'll concentrate on the house. I've had things broken (before I had multiple cats), I've been touched, I've heard noises, I've seen things. Mostly I'm ok with it. As long as I don't have floating limbs follwing me around the house or shrieks in the night, I'm pretty tolerant.

The door is just a new thing. I know it's possible to climb up there because, as Ryan remembers well, I've climbed up there when I locked myself out of the house....hee hee. I do, however, doubt that someone would get bruised climbing the balcony just to open my door and not take anything or try to come after me. I also live in Pokeytown, where we generally don't have a lot of fellonies. If that weren't enough, I'm on the same block as the police station. You can see it from my house and yell hello. If I were a crook, I'd at least pick the next block over. And also take stuff from the house I bothered to break into. Even if it's easy to do.

My conclusion is that it's gotta be my ghost. Now if I could only trick it into cleaning for me....

Just Some Photos...

2005-05-02T02:09:00.000-04:00

"I love the rowing, on Central Park Lake..."

More Central Park.

Out of focus, but still beautiful, May flowers.

Some girl who looked serene watching the rowers on the lake. She turned just as I snapped and it still looked great.

A little house in Central Park. Can you tell we went to Central Park?

Bethesda Fountain. It's so easy to take nice pictures here.

And my little peanut, Violetta! I'll post the other two soon.

People Suck.

2005-05-01T01:25:00.000-04:00

No, not you specifically. But people suck ass. This one's kinda negative but it's how I'm feeling tonight. So if you'd rather read something funny, check out my other posts or the links to the right. Yes, Bubbly Catie gets hurt and downright pissy from time to time. I apologize.

I know that since I'm doing very well now, I should be all grins and smiles. I'm more than grateful for being back to normal. I'm not 100% yet, but I will be very soon. That's not what's getting me down. It's people. Fair-weather friends. I wish I could say this was directed at one person in particular, but it's not. The fact is, I have lots of friends but only a couple good ones. I'm so fortunate to know my close friends, and for them to love me back, but they all live far away and it's fucking depressing. The rest of the people I know love to regularly blow me off. They'll take all the love I have to give but ignore my needs completely. They're happy to see me if I spend my money doing things they like to do or if I'm able to inhale more smoke than oxygen, but not to drive ten minutes to spend 5 with me. That's all I ask. 5 minutes of human contact every year or two. Am I really THAT terrible? If I'm the smelly kid in class, just tell me and I'll take a shower for you. Do I annoy the hell out of you? Then TELL me! I'll leave you alone. Do I pick my teeth or tap my fingers? I'd always rather someone tell me the truth than lead me on. I can deal with abruptness and someone hating me much better than someone playing nice. Even most of my family hates me and they never got to know me because I'm either the weird one, the outsider, or both. Being out in the world again was what I wanted, but it's actually reminded me of how awful people can be to me.

I've had the same problem since I was a kid. I'm very friendly, entertaining, and giving. I'm not always the life of the party, but I know how to communicate with people and help them with their problems. People will be my best friends for a little while, then get sick of me and either dump me or treat me like shit. I still believe that I don't have bad taste in friends. Guys, maybe. I've dated a few assholes and keep coming back for more. I see qualities in every person I meet. I'm the dreamer that's hopelessly optimistic to the point where I'll step on the same rake over and over just to hope I won't get clocked every time it whips up at me. I'd love to just cry and get it over with, but it's hard to get me to the point of crying and if I should cry I tend to have a nice attack with it and it's usually not worth the physical pain as well as the emotional. So what do I do? Well, now I can subject you to my whining. Sorry. I really think I should be allowed to act childish once every few years. Hell, the rest of the general population does it several times a day.

A friend of mine really hurt my feelings tonight, and that's what's bringing the rest of this on. He's really not the first to do this, and with this specific issue. Or the fourth. Or the tenth. I'd be a drama queen if it was just one person hurting my feelings. But it's many people. I'm SURE I'm not the only one out there with woes, and not the only one who's dealt with people ditching her. It doesn't mean it hurts any less, though. I don't get to deal with half my problems because I forgive people too easily and if I get upset about something it makes me physically ill. They say "don't bottle up your rage" but the truth is that's all I can really do. Besides, it'll make for a great adrenaline burst someday when some poor sap tries to mug me or something.

Sorry for the low notes, but at least it lives up to the blog title. I suppose if this is the worst of my problems right now I'm thankful. There are greater sadnesses in the world. I'll post something amusing for you again soon with my rapier wit. Or, if you're one of the masses, I'm sure it entertained you greatly to laugh at my dismay. April showers damn well better bring May fucking flowers. Ugh.

~Cate~

Bloody Blogger....

2005-05-01T00:34:00.000-04:00

Let me just say, I bloody HATE, LOATHE, and DESPISE losing my blogs. I usually copy & paste every few paragraphs becuase this site loses more than half of what I write, but when you won't let me F*ing copy it to start with before giving me an error, it makes it rather difficult and frustrating. This site is worth just what I pay for it.

Back In The Saddle Again!

2005-04-28T22:18:00.000-04:00

That's right, you bastards! I'm BACK! Ok, I'm sorry. You're not bastards....most days. I just didn't feel like being overly bubbly right at the start. The last posts were very perky so I needed to bring it back to par.

Yaay! I started work again yesterday. I feel inept because of certain limitations, but I'm warming back up to my habits. If we got rid of the bleu cheese dishes I could run my section alone again within a couple weeks. I'm only doing 4 hour shifts to start with, but I'm freakin tired! Being out of commission really weakened me. But I'm getting mocked for being perky and everyone's been very welcoming and kind, so I must be doing ok.

Suprisingly, I haven't had a "winner of the day" in my first 2 days back, so I'll have to give the title to the asshead "driving" in front of me on the way today. Let me just say that if you're driving drunk before 4:00 PM, you've got problems. This fucknut was swerving in the left lane, then decided to literally slam on the breaks doing over 55 on route 22 at the start of rush hour. He knew he was going to do it, though I have yet to figure out for what purpose, so he conveniently pulled over to the shoulder when he lost control from hitting the brakes. I had a car in front of me (him, who wasn't completely on the shoulder), a car on my tail, and cars passing on the right to worry about so my slight swerving from sudden stop had to be carefully contained. That asshole had no reason to do it, and then just went on like nothing had happened. At least I wasn't the only one cursing at him. So I'm stuck behind him on 22 and I still kept my distance. He continued to swerve and almost hit cars in the right lane, and would routinely drive up the middle because he obviously couldn't decide which lane he should be in...or couldn't tell where the lane was. Darn those moving lane lines. It's so hard to stay within them when you're plastered. My brakes and tires thanked this man for the work-out. I still swore at him.

I so need this sticker.
Tomorrow's another day on 22, and a different crowd at work. I'm working lunch shift tomorrow so it'll be a faster pace. As long as I keep sucking on my inhaler I should survive just fine. I think I'll be on "refill" duty (hotline cooking, keeping our gourmet entrees plentiful) so I can keep away from the spores of the bleu cheese salad. Damn you people and your strange addictions to moldy cheese. I'll never grasp that concept. You don't eat moldy bread....

Quite the oxymoron.

Blah Blah Blah!

2005-04-25T17:26:00.000-04:00

Hi there! Did ya miss me? I did. OK, not really because, let's face it, I've had enough of me. I'm all perky today (lucky you...)! Until next week, I'm the administrator for Mentalbob.net. It's an easy job. I'm convincing people to enter the contest and writing posts the same as here. Go check it out, number 2 will be up soon. This weekend I went for dinner with the fam to my brother's house. Mmm...cheesesteaks. Today I'm blogging here & there and I'll be getting ready for my NYC adventure (tomorrow). My buddy, Charlie, is heading up with me & we'll have a blast. Nisa's already there & waiting. I can't wait! I also bought some new rosebushes today, so I'm all hyped up about having a warmer yard soon. The existing ones are starting to creep up again, hopefully I'll have some buds soon! Wheeeeeeee I'm just perky today...and I'm even eating sugar-free candy!

Love,
Catie

On a side note: At the store, there were two guys tending the lawn. At least, what little of it there was. One trimmed while the other wasted fuel and pollution with the leaf blower. If you don't live in the valley, I nearly lost my jacket to the wind today. I think running the leaf blower for three blades of grass in a windstorm is pretty moot. Just a little quirk for your day.

Mastering the English Language

2005-04-21T21:53:00.000-04:00

In the mighty days of the great musicals, there was a play entitled, “My Fair Lady.” Since my regular readers are the guys, I highly doubt you’ve all seen the play or movie version so I’ll elaborate a bit. The main characters are a professor of language, Henry Higgins, and a street urchin named Eliza Doolittle. On a bet/project, Prof. Higgins takes in Eliza to turn her from a filthy girl with a cockney accent selling flowers on the street into being passed off as a noble in front of royalty. He rants his shocked opinion of the modern English language in the form of “Why Can’t the English Speak?” In it he mocks the lower-classed English accents and simply mentions Americans. It’s really a great point.

Being American, I can only pick on our own forms of street slang (since our dialects were derived from English). I must stress how DUMB you sound when you cannot pronounce words correctly (i.e. aKs instead of ASK) and you have no diction in your speech (i.e. libary). I’m an [adult swim] junkie, so every night I have to endure the new sneaker ad;

“You know whud it means ta be da numba one stunna?”

No. Actually, I don’t. Do you know why? BECAUSE I SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH. Most people are uneducated enough; we don’t need to further dumb them down. I need to speak in two forms of English. One that’s casual but uses some decent vocabulary words which I mainly use with my friends. The other is for work. My coworkers and customers often think I’m being snobby and treating them like idiots if I use big words like “stipulation” or “dog.” It’s hard to refuse to dumb down your speech when it engenders people to either hate you for being smarter than they are or look at you like there’s an alien emerging from your skull. One option is to not talk to them, but if it's a customer I'm rather obligated. My favorite is Psycho Bill (name changed for protection, but it starts with B and ends with ob) with his degree far Harvard and two Navy SEALs. One day it will slip and I'll have to ask him if he keeps them in his basement or at the piers.

This is not a protest of language progression, because that's just inevitable. Ebonics is not a language. It's a transformation of definitions of already existing words and poor grammar. The Jamaicans have their own dialect that is a combination of languages. It is original. They do not simply speak a lazy form of preschool English. They also don't think that sideways hats look good. It sucked in the 90's and, guess what! It still looks just as ridiculous now. Didn't DJ Jazzy Jeff teach you anything?

TV Quote:

Clubbing Bimbo: You’re a cop. That’s hot.
Forensics guy: *snaps her photo* Can you tell me what the Buckeye state is?
Clubbing Bimbo: What’s a buckeye?
Forensics guy: NEXT!

Why is it that the general public is so stupid? I suppose I should make that a rhetorical question since it’s one of the greatest mysteries of mankind. People never cease to amaze me at how intellectually impaired they are. Honestly, I don’t get to books much anymore. I’m obsessed with movies since I love to be visually and emotionally stimulated. I was tutored at home for my junior and senior years of high school, so I got abridged versions of the major subjects. I did not take the SATs. I am not an advanced math student; I’m that creative thinker and artsy type of smart (on good days). I’m finishing my A.A.S. in Culinary Arts, so most of my academics were dealing with food (I did have the basic academic standards as with any associates). My point is, if I am much less schooled and not as well-read as most of the people I meet, why do I seem like a genius and they like twits? I suppose paying too much for an education doesn’t mean you have to learn anything.

Abbreviations and lax grammar when using IMs or having one’s own form of a dialect is not what I’m opposing here. I’m protesting people who would spell gangster as “gangsta.” They probably don't even know the original meaning of the word. It’s not an ethnic problem, I know plenty of people of minority descent that are plenty smarter than I. I used to visit a friend who taught at the inner-city school here. There was a diversity of potentials and capabilities there. But when I spoke, they literally stared at me as if I was speaking some language that doesn’t have a name or any people that speak it. I was rather appalled. Personally, I’ve always been afraid of seeming really dumb. And although I’ve met the real world and how blatantly ignorant, shallow, oblivious it can be, I still hunger for more knowledge. Thank God I know I’m not the smartest person on Earth, or we’d all be in trouble. But it scares me that I’m considered erudite and I have so many books to read yet. Maybe book reports should still be required of adults, just to make sure amoebas don't become smarter than our own species.

This post is based on English being your first language. If it’s not your first, I don’t criticize you for learning a second or greater language. Make all the mistakes you want. Snaps to you, I’m only fluent in English with a small vocabulary in other languages.

Disgusted, yet hopeful for a brighter future,
Cate

New York, New York!

2005-04-21T16:49:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all,
I'm heading up to NYC for a day or so next week. I'm going up to visit my friend from VA who's participating in the Tribeca Film Festival and I'll visit my cousin too. If you're up for some fun, cruisin' and schmoozin' just say so! If we feel like it we can probably crash at my cousin's. Anywho, it's always more fun with a buddy. Shoot me an email, IM, or buzz me if you're interested. We'll pick a day based on your sched.

Love,
Cate

License That Kills...

2005-04-20T16:20:00.000-04:00

It takes a total of about 4-5 minutes to drive from my house to my parents' place. In that short window of time, I avoided 7 possible accidents. That's more situations then there are minutes. When last I checked, you need a license to drive here. And I believe that requires passing written and practical tests. I looked back in my memory to when I got my license. I had to answer a fairly easy written test, make a K turn, stop at a parking lot stop sign, and drive approximately 1 mile before turning around and driving back to the parking lot. Maybe, just MAYbe, it should be harder than that. I knew a guy who failed the permit test 17 times but passed his license exam the first time. If you can't drive skillfully, you should not be allowed to drive.

Here was today's drive:

1.Dumb ass pedestrian strolling in the middle of the road, unawares that there was a large mechanical device behind her with music blaring, waiting patiently to drive around the moron. (She wasn't driving, but it deals with the road).

2.Stupid bitch driving her little Honda literally in the center of a 2-lane street and forcing me to pull curbside and stop so she didn't clip me.

3.Next was a dick in a truck that believed in taking up the whole street when turning onto it, making me stop short so as not to be crushed by a pickup. It's really not that hard to make a right turn within your own side. Honestly.

4.Sitting well behind the line at a stoplight, some guy decided it was more important to ogle my boobs than to watch where his van was going. He came within inches of the hood of my car, drove in the turning lane instead of the driving lane, and then nearly hit the curb.
5.At the next light, a decent driver made a left turn well before I was making my right. I was proud of him compared to the cranky bitch behind him. She decided to stay glued to the guy's back bumper and not care that she cut off my right of way turn. She didn't look at my car either.

6.A small penis in a short sports car stopped mid-intersection at the same light when he discovered that when I made a right-hand turn on a green light that I didn't plan on stopping for his left turn. He proceeded to rev his engine, but when you do that without the brake on, the car tends to fly forward at my back bumper. I shot him a pissed look in the mirror because even if he expects me to, I refuse to bump the car directly in front of me.

7.Penis minor decided to keep on my ass to the stop sign. It's a left turn stop only, those going right need not stop. Several cars ahead stopped to make the left, as did I. He decided to drive onto the lawn of the corner house to go around me in his puny car, and the only reason he didn't take my mirror off was because his was actually lower than mine.

In December I was on the highway when a seemingly drunk-ass moron decided to merge into my lane and failed to see my car literally neck and neck with his. I laid on the horn to no prevail and instead of crashing into the median on the driver's side (the cement divider that would probably kill me) I slammed on my brakes and spun out behind the guy. He did not stop, and just continued to swerve between the lanes. I had a few seconds before the army of cars behind me caught up to my perpendicular position, so I hauled ass to the shoulder to avoid being hit on the driver's side. Once on the shoulder I continued on through a nice big asthma attack and did a treatment on the damn highway where no one stopped to see if I was alright. I was very VERY lucky not to have been killed, nor did I hit anything. Thank God. I did, however, have some great whiplash and nice bruises from the seatbelt on my neck and shoulder.

The point is, that cops pull over people for speedingas well as for minor violations and ignore the losers weaving lanes at 200MPH, drunk drivers, and otherwise dangerous vehicular ignoramuses. Instead of tagging the easiest targets, maybe there should be some more severe punishments for the DUIs and vehicular manslaughter cases. I'm not a perfect driver, but I've never hit someone and never been in a major accident. If I drink, I make sure I'm completely sober if I'm going to drive, otherwise I'd get a ride or sit in the back seat of my car until I am ok. I NEVER drive if I'm impaired. Learn to bloody fucking drive or take the bus, for our sake.

Going Down the Crapper...

2005-04-19T16:27:00.000-04:00

Because life is about teaching children to pose nude and be cheap, gawdy iconoclasts:

The RuPaul Doll

I have no specific problem with iconoclasts; change is good. I have no problem with homosexuals; one should be free to love whom he so chooses. "Strippers are people too." Human sexuality is a natural thing. I do, however, have a problem with pushing a half-cocked (pun INTENDED), superficial piece of garbage that promotes acting like a whore to young children. When you're an adult, do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt other people. But don't come up with a porno-clad transvestite doll that targets impressionable kids. I'd rather give them bb guns. This post is such a waste of intelligent vocabulary.

~Cate~

It Was Self-Defense, Honest!

2005-04-18T16:34:00.000-04:00

I'm one of those lucky American citizens that happens to live in Pokeytown, USA and on the same block as the police station. Not that it's a buzzing metropolis force, but occasionally it comes in handy. The next township over has been without a police force for my entire life, I know because that's where I grew up. People had a hard time comprehending what would happen if someone unwanted entered your house.

Them:"But what happens if there's a murderer in your house?"
Me:"You dial 911 and wait an hour for the state police to show up."
Them:"But...they're IN your house!"
Me:"You dial 911 and wait an hour for the state police to show up. If you like you can risk a law-suit and bash his head in, but mostly you just wait an hour for the cops. There really aren't any murderers here, this is a place where you can leave all your doors & windows wide open and not have to worry."

A true depiction of burglers by some kid.
In the past few years, the developments have exploded and the farms & fields are replaced with huge houses and condos. So I expect they'll need a force there sometime in the relative future. Until then it's still smalltime.

I was at the station today, paying a lovely parking ticket. It was only $20 so it's not the hugest problem on my mind, but it's still annoying getting a ticket for parking in front of one's own house...long story. Nevermind. But I had a nice conversation with the Chief today. Very nice man. We of course got on the topic of bigger cities and problems. He talked about his wife, daughter, and sister being marked and stepping in to cut the looting short before it started. And I interjected with my experiences in the big cities.

This isn't mine either. I can't draw.
I've been targeted and followed in NYC most everytime I've been there. I'm a smallish white chick with a purse and occasionally a camera. I don't go to the salon to get my hair done everyday nor do I spend ridiculous amounts on clothing, but I at least put a decent ensemble together. This is New York, and you never know when you'll bump into Bono and have to jump him. Anyway, I have processes for ridding myself of muggers and riff-raff. I've shed a few by simply keeping alert, looking around often, and making unusual stops (like standing in a doorway until my follower is in front of me). It certainly doesn't scare them off, but they usually look for an easier target that will have no clue their money's gone until they go to use it.

Tim and Darren in NYC.
I also lived in Norfolk, VA for a year. Downtown is a beautiful southern town, with Victorian houses and huge city buildings near a relaxed waterfront. Unfortunately my campus was not downtown. It was in the middle of the ghetto. I'd have gourmet meals for lunch in class (culinary school) and have to live out of 7-eleven and what I could cram in my tiny fridge at night until they finally built a subway. This meant walking through the ghetto at night. We stayed in pairs and never had a problem, but noticed unkindly figures following us for Lord knows what purposes.

The point of this entry is, what would I do if I actually was accosted? Having been these places, I've always been prepared for unplanned suprises. I never took self-defense classes, but I sure know how to defend myself. In an earlier entry, I wrote about the Stand Your Ground law in FL. I wouldn't quite go that far in protecting myself, but I'd get the job done. The chief posed the question to me, what would I do if a mugger held me up with a knife? I simply stated, "MEET your soloplexes! Palms, feet, and sides." He was surprised and laughed at my tenacity.

Now I'm little, and aside from my legs I'm not very strong. It would be easy to be taken down. However, strategy is everything. If the guy could get close enough to me to grab hold in the first place, it's a simple matter of knowing where to hit and which way to run. I've got years of bottled up anger that could boil my adrenaline and I'd probably end up dragging the unconscious sap into the police station and ask, "Where can I leave this piece of shit?"

God help the man who attempts it. Obviously, if he has a gun and all he wants is my money, I always have a bit of it in my pocket (instead of losing my whole wallet) for just such a case. Losing $70 is less stressful than getting shot at. If he wants to rape me he's in for a fight & the risk of never getting it up again. A girl's gotta draw the line somewhere.

So for those who are interested in some self-defense tips, here ya go. With love from me.

1.The elbow is your strongest and hardest joint and is best used for pelting the soloplex and head.
2.The soloplexes basically have a bunch of nerves and hurt like hell when pressure is applied. You can turn half his body into dead weight if you're skilled, but it's easiest to just use your heel and stomp on the top of his foot, just behind the toes in that nice flat area.
3.Using the heel of your hand, shove his nose upwards. Done too forcefully, it's possible to kill someone like that (nose going into the brain, but I'd imagine that's hard to do).
4.Feel free to punch him in the throat. Just to the side of the trachea is a particularly annoying spot. Sean Connery used his thumb to beat a man in "The Presidio." Great entertainment.
5.Find that diaphram! If you assert yourself & whack him there, you can knock the wind out of him. Sometimes it's really funny and he falls down. If not, he'll most likely be bent over trying to suck in air, so kick him behind the knees & knock him down.
6.If he's on the ground, standing with your foot over the groin is a particularly effective threat. If he tried to rape you, you should definitely make sure he can never get it up again. Otherwise it's just too easy. Who says high heels are impractical? Also, the bottom ribs are the easiest to crack or break. The xyphoid is a painful little knob at the bottom of the sternum. The collarbone is said to be one of the most painful bones to have broken. And once again, the throat. You can stand with your foot on the throat until help arrives or run like hell.
7.The face. Pushing his eyeballs in will hurt like hell. There's a pressure point in the soft spot below the ear. From behind, you can grab under the nose and heave back (learned that from a cop). If you have a hard noggin, Mel usually uses the headbutt in his action sequences. Head injuries also tend to bleed more than most other flesh wounds.
8.Finally, if you're in a pinch, always remember the old standby: "Grab, twist, pull." It's nasty but effective. If you danced for 16 years and have some decent quads, a nice punt to the junk will send him on his way to a career of singin' with the boys' choir.

How to kick ass.
Hope you enjoyed today's Public Service Announcement.

Love,
Cate

Random Ramblings

2005-04-18T15:34:00.000-04:00

Yaaay! So I had another good weekend. My pal, Johnny Boy, came up to visit me & we had breakfast at Waffle House before we went to see "Sin City." In short, I can't wait to buy it. It was funny & hot, with great cinematography. I also spent the whole weekend pallin' aroung with Darren. We had heavy doses of [adult swim] mixed with "The Final Cut" and "Saw." "The Final Cut" was ok. Kinda weird characters but a neat plot. "Saw" was somewhat disturbing but I liked it. It was put together well, which is hard for anything that might fall into the horror genre. Just like "House on Haunted Hill" (the remake) would have been cool if it didn't suck ass.

One of the highlights of the weekend also has to be getting my controller to work on my computer & playing ooooooooolllllllld Nintendo games. Darren beat Contra in about ten minutes. My attempts were not so successful....

And, finally, where there is a lack of sex, there must be cookie dough. I sunk to the level of making chocolate chip cookies yesterday for the simple purpose of getting cookie dough. While it doesn't come close to replacing sex, it does at least satisfy me on some other level enough to distact me for a few minutes. I did, at least, half the recipe and bring a tray of cookies over to Mom & Dad. The rest of the dough is going in the freezer for future cravings. Take THAT Cookie Monster haters!

Pointlessly yours,
~Cate~

What a Woman Should Be:

2005-04-12T22:00:00.000-04:00

Adriana Lima.

What do you think of when you hear the word "woman?" Calista Flockhart? Beyonce'? Me? Ha ha, I wish...I keep getting these lovely spams telling me that I need bigger boobs. HAVE YOU SEEN what I carry around everyday? It bloody hurts the neck & shoulders, let me tell you. (B knows what I'm talking about!) The other bunch of spams I get are telling me that I can have a larger penis and a better sex life with said larger implement. WITHOUT surgery. Wow. I've gotta hand it to you, that'd be some feat with no surgical alterations. Let me just say that it's hard being a chick, especially when almost all the other chicks hate you. It is hard, but I'm still not in favor of having my own penis. That's what men are for. Cate needs a strappin' lad to call her own & have her way with. On a side note, men should never be too skinny. If I weigh more than you and/or can kick your ass without even exerting myself, get away from me. A girl needs a man she can wrap her legs around.

When I was in high school, I belonged to an agency and took modeling & acting classes, since I wanted to act very much. I was waaaaay too critical of myself then. I was in perfect shape & really didn't need makeup. After about 7-8 years of battling some health issues & on/off treatments of steroids, I don't weigh 135lbs. anymore. But that's ok, because a size 4 is reeeeeeeally tiny. Suprisingly, this is me back then:

I sincerely apologize for the quality, but the technology is not being cooperative with me today. If you stand far away I'm sure it looks great. I'll repost my fuzziness when it's clearer...if I ever get the scanner working.

And this is me closer to now:

I have the guts to post my own pic. That horse made a face in EVERY shot they took. My thighs got a nice workout that day, since that is a mat instead of a saddle with foot stirrups. I rode bareback in the current. Best quote: "Stay up der, white girl!"

There's a tug-of-war going on in the world between obesity and being skinny. Everyone wants to be at least 5lbs. lighter. There is an abundance of obesity in the U.S. and it's becoming more prominent in children because people are afraid to yell at their kids to do stuff anymore. We were kicked out of the house when I was little. Mom needed some quiet & we needed exercise! Most women complain about the stick figures in magazines and media. Muscular is becoming "in" again which is nicer for me to put up with rather than a hat rack. Extreme obesity is a problem and should be taken care of for your health, but no one needs be a size 2 either. I highly advocate regular exercise and healthy eating habits, but there should be a happy medium in there. I don't diet, but sometimes I'll cut back on things that I should (like ice cream now & then instead of everyday). I cook. It's my job to feed people. My belief is simply, everything in moderation & get your nutrients. Other than that, I eat what I want, when I want it. Sure, I gained weight over these tough months that I'm going to lose. But I was pretty darn close to my goal before I got sick this time. I don't care so much about the number as I do looking the way I want to. The numbers told me I was overweight when I looked like the above black & white shot of me.

If we get into the sex appeal angle of this topic, sure guys ogle very thin women. But when I see them, I sometimes can't help but think-no I always think, "PLEASE EAT SOMETHING. I WILL BUY YOU A SLAB OF MEAT WITH CHEESE AND BACON ON IT. JUST PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, INGEST SOME CARBOHYDRATES AND FAT!" and often can't help but let it slip out of my mouth too. I try to walk into the cooler for those outbursts though.

Do you ever wonder why you have no breasts? No body fat does this to females. If I ever get a reduction, you're on the donation list.

Teach them to stuff early, I guess...

Do you know why runway models are so anorexic and loved by the designers? BECAUSE THEY ARE HANGERS with pretty faces! Yes, it's tragic when anyone suffers from an eating disorder, celebrity or not. But there are celebrities who flaunt being severely under-nourished, and that tortures young people and the overweight. Milla Jovovich is the exception to the underweight rule because, well because she kicks ass and even though I crave man meat I still think she's hot.

What a WOMAN is...and what I wish I could be. Also, feel free to buy me this set.

I was inspired to write this blog while routinely going through the VS site. They have mostly skinny chicks, but almost all look healthy. There are a handful that are shapely and toned, not just rib cages with breasts.

Just a rib cage, with breasts...or at least nipples.

I used to work at Vicky's and would have to consistently convince women that they ARE beautiful, even if they aren't in great shape. I'd tell them, "it makes you feel pretty to wear something lacey" and they would come back to tell me how much their husbands wanted to thank me. Just because you aren't a spinner (thank you Phi Psi boys for teaching me that word) doesn't mean you aren't attractive. I have my own fluff but as long as you give them sex, guys don't care. Ok that's not entirely true. I'm usually snubbed by men my age and only hit on by much older, married men. My point is, don't be a psycho-bitch like most women & love yourself, you will find a man.

A non-blonde, toned Miss North Carolina.

I guess I've danced around a few topics here today. In conclusion, there is no uniform way to be. Uniformity is boring as hell and bad for your self esteem. Love yourself, take teasing from friends as affection, and please keep eating. I don't want to have to cook low-carb crap for the rest of my career. I'm Italian, low-carb is a pagan term to me.

~Cate~
P.S. Check out "Atypical Hilarity." It is a riot!

*Special thanks to my boys for providing me with endless resources for info on this topic and Rebekah for supporting me in my cause to get women to eat and/or making fun of the skinny skanks in the world.*

National Do Not Call List

2005-04-11T17:17:00.000-04:00

I recieved the following in an email today, and called the number. It was not a hoax email. Call or click, but I thought I'd share with y'all.
Love,
Cate

"Within 30 days, direct marketers will be authorized to call cell phones. If you want to prevent this, the Federal Trade Commission has started a 'Do Not Call' list for cell phone users at 1-888-382-1222. You must call from your cell phone to register your number or you can register at www.donotcall.gov."

The 6 Boys From Phi Psi and Me

2005-04-10T21:52:00.000-04:00

I can't begin to tell you what a great weekend I've had...Actually, I can! And will, so sit there and like it. So I've been sick & nasty for months now, and about a week ago I started getting back to normalish. Upon leaving the valley, I actually recovered more of my voice so I could talk and I'm hardly coughing at all in normal activities so people don't avoid me like the plague anymore. That does wonders for your confidence, let me tell ya.

I've been getting rammy now that I've moved from a more depressed period, feeling trapped in the bubble I'd lived in through most of winter, and so I said to Darren: "You've been great & kept visiting me, and I haven't come to see you in months. I don't feel like I'm dying & it's time to get out of the bubble. What're you doing this weekend?" We proceeded to make plans for Saturday which is the full detail at this point in the story. The next day, Friday, I was informed that Dan was joining us. Great! That's expected. Then I'm talking to Darren & Nick "the Damn Likeable Son of a Bitch" Harvey on IM & Nick says, "Are you going to Darren's tomorrow?" You can see the pattern emerging, I'm sure. So I get a call from Darren on Sat informing me of the movie time ("Sahara" was very pleasing, by the way) and that we now had a party! Wheeeeeeeeeee!

I run my ass downstairs & bake a pie. When you can memorize things it makes baking on the fly much easier.

I grab a shower & make myself kinda pretty & leave the hairdo to the car windows. I clarify with the host about dinner, and after getting no veritable answer decide to grab stuff just in case. Load the car, and zoom to Jersey (shame on me admitting to being in Jersey...on purpose). On the way I pass a silver car on the shoulder that conveniently grabbed the cop's attention for me in advance. Get to Darren's. Grab the junk & throw the pie in the fridge. The only missing parties are either at the theater waiting for us, at Darren's, or on the phone explaining why that cop was quaintly busy when I passed by. Thanks Nick! Your chivalry knows no bounds! The theater trip was great because we acted like MST3K until the movie finally started. Fun show. Back to Darren's! Are you hooked yet? Or just bored? Tough. I had a great time, damn it. It gets better.

Might I just say that I absolutely LOVE cooking for those boys? They get all cute & curious when the garlic hits the air & go nuts like my kitties do for tuna. I get complements & thank yous before the food is even ready. They love my food and I love feeding them. My favorite original quote of the weekend HAS to be, "She's cooking dinner?! Where can I BUY one of those?!" and "Seriously, dude." Between the pasta, the key lime pie, and the brownies we had a very content bunch. Add a small amount of enjoyable drink & commentaries whizzing by your ears & you've found yourself a blast.

Ripping on people (present company & unrepresented), movie & TV quotes, mockery, and boobery (mine stayed covered, thank you)! We lost a couple of the crew to the night but the rest of us watched movies, tv, Foamy, & just hung out. Then came the part where we all had to drive pretty far & we'd had a few drinks...So we had more & just slumbered at Darren's instead because we're all lazy bastards highly against driving while intoxicated at any level.

He was thrilled. But, he had his bed all to himself, as is stipulated in the contract of entering Darren's domain. The greatest was Darren's hospitality. He more than provides for his guests, it's just on a self-serve basis. He provided alcohol (again), games, movies, and toys, then bedding and a room.

After Tim & Nick got friendly on the futon,

First came the sarcastic invitation from Tim...then they went at it.

and Jason found his niche on the couch, there was a battle of stubbornness over where the woman should sleep & instead of letting me curl up on the big chair with a footrest, they insisted there was room for me to divide the sausage party. Jason, subsequently, had no knowledge I was even in between two men for the night until his wits returned in the sunlit hours. So I was happier than I've been in quite a while after having been the only chick present & entertained all night only to get myself in a testosterone sandwich. I even hogged blankets. I rule...or at least I did for five minutes.

Mmmm....testooooosterooooone...Hi I'm back. So Nick, Tim & I had intermittent conversations which dwindled into random quotes throughout the night, since we usually woke eachother up to turn over or grunt or something. This historic speech was quoted the most. Suprisingly no one was flung from the bed, but the frame took a nice bite out of Tim's leg. Poor Tim didn't mention he'd been sleeping on the metal frame of the futon and around 6 just got up to route through the fridge, then opted for the chair that was disputed eariler as being "unfit" to sleep on. I'm about 5'3". Tim is, um, taller. By a decent amount. You can see him in the speech link. Please go. You'll thank me for the link & Darren for being heartless enough to post it on his site for posterity. I had a huge fuzzy blanket and a Nick Harvey to insult every time he moved.

The latest exploitation of Fargus.
Daylight came & normal male activities resumed.

We played games through breakfast...probably twice. Jason was manly & made himself a sweet ass breakfast sandwich from the first eggs ever to enter Darren's apartment since he became a tenant. Jason sadly left us four, and we were forlorn, wistful, and melancholy. The remaining went for lunch at Mama's. Mmmm....cheeeeeesesteak with 3 sides of testosterone......

Darren Tim Nick
Great day of quality friend time & then dispersement around dinner. Harvey & I played frontsies backsies on the highway until my exit. You had like another hour to drive, Suckface! I hope to do this again soon and often. Thank you Darren, Chris, Dan, Tim, Jason, and Nick, for lifting me up a whole flight of steps to being healthy & happy....and making fun of eachother relentlessly. That's always important.

Random Quotes

2005-04-09T01:48:00.000-04:00

"For every sprinkle...I shall KILL you." Baby Stewie, Family Guy

"You-you're the biggest disappointment since the crucifixtion!" Foamy the Squirrel, illwillpress

"...and the lady that lived there had a very pronounced hole in her ass." Lennie Briscoe, Law & Order. Jerry Orbach, you will be missed greatly!

"Can you speak up? I'm wearing a towel." Homer J. Simpson, The Simpsons

"How'd you like to feel the way she looks?" Groucho Marx, A Night at the Opera

Monster Discrimination

2005-04-08T16:28:00.000-04:00

Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster, a loveable staple on Sesame Street for more years than I've been alive. "C is for cookies, that's good enough for me!" What a classic line! When everyone rushed out to fistfight over Tickle-me Elmos, Catie got a Tickle-Me Cookie Monster. I wore out my Cookie slippers that were replaced by Elmo. Poor Cookie is going to end up destitute literally out ON Sesame Street.
Life on the Street.Tickle-Me Cookie Monster

The media is helping to alienate Cookie Monster by saying that he promotes obesity in children. I think it's accusations like one reporter made, "...saying that Cookie Monster is a leading contributor to child obesity." No way, dudes. It's parents that never discipline their kids and feed them whatever junkfood they whine and throw tamtrums for that contribute to child obesity. Some kids are just fat, all you can do is feed them well and make them exercise. When they're teens they tend to want to lost that baby fat. It is a parent's job to watch his or her child and to teach healthy eating and living habits. Not Sesame Street's job. What kid doesn't like cookies? Of COURSE they're going to want cookies all the time! It's part of being human. Hell, I want cookies most of the time too. But as adults, we keep ourselves AND are SUPPOSED to keep our kids from eating cookies for every meal. Sure p.m.s. leads women to give into those cravings and buy or bake a batch of cookies, and we give our kids treats sometimes. It's the lazy slobs that let their kids terrorize the rest of us by not paying attention, never disciplining, and just not caring what their little brats do that are the leading contributors to child obesity. Leave poor Cookie alone!
Fat Albert & the Cosby Kids
NBC posts:
The Cookie Monster is known for his voracious appetite, but he isn't stuffing his mouth with cookies any more.
Sesame Street producers announced that their blue puppet is singing a new song, telling kids that a cookie is only a "sometimes food."
The change in taste is designed to teach healthy eating habits to children, so they don't become part of the obesity epidemic.
There will also be some healthier food puppets on the show, like talking eggplants and carrots.

He's not a Cookie Monster if he eats cookies in moderation. You waaaaaay missed the point of THAT fun little antic. It's things like this that corrupt the youth of America. Things like letting them get away with murder and teaching them to blame everything on someone else. Apathy is not the answer. If I did something as a kid, you'd better believe that I was the one who got in trouble. Today's scenario is:

"Moooom! I'm in trouble for setting fire to my teacher's hair then shooting her with an automatic machine gun with uranium-tipped bullets."

"Oh schnookums, you know it's not your fault. It's the teacher's own fault for telling you to stop dancing naked on the desks. It's also partly the fire department's fault for teaching you kids about proper procedures with fire. And it's mainly the gun company's fault for designing artillery for army testing as well as the black market's fault for making uranium so readily-available. I think you have some made-up disease that makes you irresponsible.Cookie Monster made you eat a whole box of synthetically made cookies too, so he's responsible for corrupting you and making you an unruly child."
Unruly Child.
As you can see, poor Cookie Monster's influence on children is blown way out of proportion and he's innocent of everything but making me laugh incessantly just because. If I'd wanted to watch healthy foods sing & dance I'd be back at Epcot Center watching the food cabaret singing, "Veggie Veggie Fruit Fruit." Oh wait! They closed that because it wasn't as cool as Cookie Monster! Cookie, you always have a place at my house and I'll give you all the cookies you want. Poor thing.

Today's Topic: Laughing at Idiots

2005-04-06T16:18:00.000-04:00

Today I've been inspired to simply point out just a few of the idiots and amusing displays they've created. Sit back and be glad you're more intelligent than these people (as small an accomplishment as that may be).

We'll start with just one of the many misled worshippers of Wacko Jacko. Will every person empathizing for that creep please rush to the doctor for an emergency vastectomy or hysterectomy (whichever applies). Save the world. Don't reproduce.

Two peas in a twisted pod? If you support Freaky J. Freakerson then get off my page. Now.

Then there's www.antimonkeybutt.com. Yeah. Appearantly it's to prevent swamp ass. Wow. I'm glad someone out there cares.

Next we move onto a photo from engrish.com:

E.T. is a crucial part of U.S. propoganda. I don't know for sure what his sign says, but I bet it says "I voted for Bush!"

It's a somewhat innocent mistake by non-residents on the opposite side of the globe. But not too far off considering how many Americans wouldn't get this joke. On a related note, the new KFC commercial plays "Sweet Home Alabama." I think the point makes itself.

Now, NO one likes to get diaper duty, but I thought we were beyond racist references like this one:

Added disgust: Goo. On a diaper bag. It's bad enough there'll be GOO in the diaper. *Sigh*

Ok, that was a bad joke. But it was a diaper logo that needed to be mocked. Don't take offense. If you want to be offended you need to go here.

Some people's true thoughts on foreign cuisine *COUGH Darren COUGH*

The No.69. special. $14.95 per tub-full.

And in the spirit of food, my personal perfection of a paradox:

The Jetsons were right! We're dining on pill dinners now. Great. Anyone hiring?

Why one would find the before OR after appetizing, I'll never know. DIETS ARE BAAAAD FOR YOUUUUU! Please keep me in the business of food and eat often. If you seriously want some dieting tips, feel free to email me. Until then, just don't diet.

New "Stand Your Ground" Law

2005-04-05T20:53:00.000-04:00

This afternoon I came across this article, describing new laws to be put in effect dealing with protecting yourself on the streets of Florida. I'm not prepared to deal with death and judgement, I feel it's in a higher power's hands rather than mine, but I would feel more comfortable with beating down people in the streets if I knew they had less legal grounds to sue me. I lived in Norfolk, VA, for a year and as a young woman I was very prepared to kick butt when making dinner runs through the ghetto, should some jerk think he could get something from me. I've been followed before while walking through busy cities, but I try and ward off being a target by being unpredictable (it's not a surefire way, but most criminals tend to pick the easiest target instead).

New traffic signs to be posted after the new law, alerting drivers of illegal aliens fleeing from "self-defensers" hoping to deter future immigrants.

Everyone knows there are laws in effect across the country that allow us to defend ourselves, our families, and out property when intruders enter our territory. Most have also heard the stories of intruders winning lawsuits for stupid crap like wiping out on a toy dump truck when they break into a home and, thus, winning millions of dollars and other ridiculous damages. While I am comforted that some of that protection against defending myself could one day reach the state I live in, I'm also not too keen on "the old west" idea they mentioned in the article. Should this law become popular in other states, the law might have a veritable disaster on their hands with people who'll take advantage of the "self-defense" label. But on the brighter side, there are too many drug dealers in FL.


Hopefully morons like this will try to mug Floridians & get
whacked.Who'm I kidding? The FRENCH? FIGHT? AAAHAHAHAHA!

Inane Babble

2005-04-05T01:30:00.000-04:00

Oh dearie me! I must convey my boredom to you all. I've been cooped up for months & thank God they add to the internet everyday, for I've seen the end of it several times. So I'll be off to bed soon & I shall tune in for my nightly routine of catching [adult swim], but I've seen almost everything they're running tonight a few times. So it might be a movie night. My movie of the week, you will see it to the right, is "The Boondock Saints." A kick-ass movie that is quirky and a new-found cult classic. I got hooked on it I guess over a year ago. I must thank Kyle for owning it & introducing me to it. Of course, now I also own it.

Official site: www.boodocksaints.com Don't mind the Russian...

So I started this post, not only to showcase my movie of the week, to vent about frustrated insanity and see if anyone has some suggestions for me. If you know me enough, you'll realize I have a lot of physical limitations at the moment. So basically I've gotta stick to mostly indoor activities that don't involve high-endurance activity or chemicals/allergens. By the way, I already cleaned the house. I also organized my teas by general types and specific blends and rearranged every kitchen cabinet. I suppose I could do the fridge next. Oy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Help me out or replace the Russian guy up there with me!
~Catie~
P.S. Tomorrow will be a better day...I think ;)

Half-Assed Post of the Day

2005-04-04T17:31:00.000-04:00

No no no, it's Wendy's that serves man-flesh.

But Yours Is Bigger Than Mine!

2005-04-03T23:28:00.000-04:00

This post is in a girly color because I feel emasculated. Ok, ok, if you want to get technical I am and always have been female. I just got done on a short tour of other peoples' blogspots. I feel utterly pitiful. My cute little page, which I've devoted a few hours to, pales in comparison to the rest of you. Look at my picture. What's the matter? You didn't think I was pale enough to begin with?! This page was kickin' until I looked at yours. For shame. What did your mothers teach you? Shame on you all!

P.S. Please still love me and visit my site every single day. Why? Because you know you love me...and I need the company. I installed that cute little counter today, JUST for you.

The Evil Monkey In My Closet

April Fool! No Really, He's a Fool...Seriously.

2005-04-03T21:03:00.000-04:00

It's important to fit in somewhere...
Welcome! No, don't worry. You haven't missed the new rage in chic (pronounced sheek, not chick) parties. This is just some dumbass in a penguin suit at Tokyo's Ueno Zoo (you're on your own for this pronunciation). Evidently, the emperor penguins needed a larger than life role model. By the way, that's the zoo director in a costume. I need to find a job where I can be a total moron and get paid loads of money...preferrably one where I don't have to dress as a penguin.

Bimbo in Training, or Just Reaching?

2005-04-01T02:09:00.000-05:00

Alright. So Mom never bought me a two-piece. So it took me until I was fully grown to nervously brandish a bikini. That doesn't mean I'd agree to prohibit others from wearing them. Well, I do protest to huge women wearing thongs at the beach or anywhere public...but selfishly, it's always nice that there's at least one person on the beach that looks worse than I do in their suit. That rule similarly applies to men too. There's always the obligatory "beer belly in a speedo" that everyone has to deal with. Anyway, back to the point.

So I'm going through all the info on My Yahoo! personalized page and I revel in the Reuters Oddly Enough news articles. Then I find this waste of opinion:

Bikinis for Toddlers Spark Controversy

Thu Mar 31, 8:24 AM ET

Oddly Enough - Reuters

OSLO (Reuters) - A Swedish bikini-style top for toddlers will be withdrawn from sale amid criticism from a Norwegian cabinet minister that bra-like clothing was inappropriate for small girls.

"It is remarkably daft to make bra-like bikinis for one-year-olds," Norwegian Minister of Children and Family Affairs Laila Daavoey was quoted as telling the Norwegian daily Verdens Gang Thursday.

"This is a terrible commercialization of childhood. Children are not women. Bikinis on small children are a way of linking children to sexuality. We must say 'No' to this," she said.

Swedish clothes maker Lindex said it would withdraw one design of top, meant for girls aged 1-2, after an internal review.

"It's a bit too similar to an adult top so we are choosing to withdraw it," spokeswoman Ulrika Danielson told Norway's NRK public radio. She said the decision was made independently of the Norwegian criticism.

Earlier this month, Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik criticized Swedish furniture maker IKEA for showing few women assembling flat-packed goods in cartoon instruction leaflets. IKEA agreed to depict more women.

Norway is celebrating 100 years of independence from Sweden in 2005.

To cover my rear here, the reporting was fine. It's the Norwegian Prime Minister's opinion I differ with. THEY'RE LITTLE CHILDREN! THEY RUN AROUND NAKED AT EVERY CHANCE ANYWAY! WHO BLOODY CARES?! It's a two-piece, not Satan. If they saw teenagers under statutory ages wearing the same styles they'd be complaining that it's offensive for the same reasons except that's part of the target clientele. My point is, all the P's and Q's are covered and the human body is as natural as we get. Little kids look cute in whatever they're wearing because they're little kids. I think it's worse to dress your kid like a (forgive my ebonics) "gangsta" in baggy pants before they can walk without you having to hold their hands for stability. Frankly it's mean to give the klutzy toddlers any more obstacles to deal with. My point is, you're always going to be offended and stick your noses into other peoples' child-raising rights because you think you know "what's best for the child." Why don't you go out and take action to help starving, neglected, or abused children before you decide what decent parents can dress their children in. Some independence you've got.

~Cate~

P.S. I know one person reading this who will be at least slightly offended by the opinion of the Minister as well, for the mission of making women ashamed to wear bikinis, no matter what age. Neuroticism starts at young ages, teach them it's bad now & when they're adults they might hesitate to show him their boobies. You know who you are...

First Impressions

2005-03-31T05:38:00.000-05:00

So first impressions are everything, right? In how many job interviews have you gotten "Get the hell out of my office" stamped on your forehead? Personally, I've never had that happen because I can always find the words...but we'll just leave it at that. I'll talk enough for you to get the point. I trust you're only here because you know me, I gave you the link, and/or I've made some smart ass comment on Darren's site that amused or insulted you enough to follow a link.
Thus, my first blog is published. Having passed the required basic computer classes that only tortured me with outdated programs that I will never use in a bloody kitchen, I found that the "trial and error" method worked best for creating my first blog and webpage. I never was one for the scientific method. Yaaay! I have a webpage! (Shut up, this is an accomplishment for me for the next 5 minutes. You can't take that away from me!)

~Catie~

2005-03-31T02:00:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm that white.